On Monday we got the nursery painted and put the bed together. Our sweet friend Mike helped Jerrod paint and then Brent and Laurie helped us put the crib together. Brent is the worship director at The Well and Laurie mentors me, so we love "Larlie and Papa" as Cooper calls them! Laurie helped me pick out the teal for the walls and think through the room. We were a little bummed when we got to the last step of assembling the crib because the holes on the front of the crib were not done properly and the bolts could not screwed in. It's leaning against the crib, though, so you can see what it will look like. It's a really pretty espresso color!
Our little helper:)
I was unsure about the yellow chair working in Sawyer's room since we had used it for the other two boys, but I think it's going to look cute, especially against the teal wall. I'm still debating on whether or not I'll paint the bright white dresser more of a cream or ecru, so we'll see. I also want to get some new pulls on the drawers, maybe something orange??, so where would be a good place to look? The changing pad that goes on top is the same kind of chocolate minky fabric that's on the bumper.
I'm planning on getting floor length chocolate panels for the window and then I purchased an extra yard of the stripe fabric that I'll attach at the bottom of each panel, maybe with some fringe or something to go in between the two fabrics. I think I'll also make a pillow out of the stripe for the chair. It's hard to tell, but the polka dots are on the bumper and blanket are a creme on top of the orange. (The extra fabric is what's over the arm of the chair)
I'm still trying to figure out what to do on the walls, so if you have suggestions, please tell me!!! I have the wall on either side of the window, the wall above the crib, the wall above the dresser, and the wall where the chair sits. The colors in the room are teal, chocolate, orange, a really pretty green, ecru, and canary yellow. I need help, so if that's your thing, bring it on :)
The cradle is beautiful isn't it?? My sweet friend Valarie is letting us use it, so that will actually be in our room when Sawyer gets here. I love all the detailing on the ends and how it has a distressed, antique look. What a blessing to use something so pretty!
We still have a ways to go, but that's a little sneak peak....
A big milestone yesterday....I'm 28 weeks. I hope that Sawyer decides to stay put for several more weeks, but every week we get under our belt is huge! We painted the nursery yesterday and put the crib together. I'll try and post about that tomorrow.
Today Jerrod and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary by sharing a wonderful dinner on our bed. Some sweet friends took Coop for the evening and we just hung out and talked about our highlights from the last 8 years. I wish I would have gotten a picture of us and our trays :) We had steaks, sweet potato fries, salad, and a delicious appetizer with goat cheese, garlic, tomatoes, and balsamic put on top of ciabatta bread. So yummy!
Yesterday Cooper had his first lemonade stand. He was so excited and has been asking to do this for a few weeks now, after he saw some of his friends having one down the street. He was such a little entrepreneur! He and Daddy mixed the lemonade in a big jug, got ice and cups, and even made signs! Too cute:)
Every car that passed by, he would hold up his sign and yell, "Lemonade for sale!!!!" If the car passed by, he would share his disappointment with an, "Uggggg!!!"
It was so cute when people would ask how much he was charging, he would often reply with a, "$25." He doesn't quite understand the difference between dollars and cents yet :) He was most excited when people would dig out lots of pennys in change, because to Coop that was A LOT of money. All in all, the little business man made $14! Can you believe it?
It was such a great moment to talk about that toy he's been wanting at Target and how he can save his money to go buy it. It was also a great moment to share with him how we give to God first. It's pretty precious to see his eagerness to give his money to the Lord. What a precious little boy we have :)
This bed rest thing is not all it's cracked up to be. I must admit, I'm going a little bonkers! The first day is kind of nice, and then after that, not so much ;)
It's hard to believe it's only been a week, and the harder part is thinking about all the weeks I have ahead. To be completely honest, I have really been wrestling with my fears and thoughts.
I have never been that overly paranoid mother when my kids are sick, I'm not a big germ freak, and I don't tend to dwell on all the bad things that can happen to my children. For a long while I had the mentality that, "Oh well, they'll be fine."
After losing Tyler, all that has changed for me. I find myself sending Cooper off to preschool wondering if he chokes at lunch, will the teachers know the heimlich maneuver? If Cooper were to have some terminal illness, would I know it and be able to get him help? I find myself thinking about all the things that could happen to Sawyer, from the cord wrapping around his neck, to infections, to SIDS again.
It's quite crippling. Unfortunately laying here in bed most of the day lends me to thinking about more of these crazy and unlikely possibilities. I find myself rationalizing with God and thinking thoughts like, "Well, my big, hard thing has already happened, so surely I'm good now."
Completely stupid, irrational, and not based on an ounce of truth.
The truth is, I believe in a Sovereign GOD. He can do, and will do, what He pleases. He has my best interest at heart. He asks me to trust and not fear. He requires me to sit, listen and not speak. He has an eternal perspective that I can only pray to catch glimpses of. He loves me with an unconditional and gracious love. After all, He is the God of the universe, yet knows me intimately and pursues me passionately.
My prayer is to sit and know that He is GOD. Just as He formed my most inward parts, knows the hairs on my head, and knew me before the earth was fashioned, so He knows my boys. All of them. He has the past, present and future in His hands, and that should be enough.
Going on bed rest is something I never really saw coming. I never had issues with preterm contractions with either Cooper or Tyler, so I just thought, "Great, things will be smooth and I'll deliver on my c-section date." I did have Tyler early due to pre-eclapsia, but really thought it was kind of a freak thing and wouldn't have to go through that again....at least that's what I have been praying.
I have been overwhelmed at the thought of what me being on bed rest actually means for my family and my friends. My sweet husband has taken care of not only me, waiting on me hand and foot, but been an awesome Daddy to Cooper, playing with him, wrestling him, making all his meals, and taking the time to spend good, quality time with him. He's been amazing. For my sweet friends, it means a meal brought to the house, Cooper being dropped off at theirs, taking him for the morning or the afternoon, all of which as we all know, is one more added thing to a busy mom's schedule.
We have had meals set up for our family and I can't even begin to tell you how unbelievable it's been. Every time I open the google doc, there's more people that have signed up to bring a meal. I feel so blessed that Jerrod can come home from work and not have to worry about dinner. I am a "doer" by nature, so I love serving my family and making sure the house is picked up, a good meal is planned and executed, etc. It's so hard to not be able to "do" all those things right now. I feel so guilty on so many different levels, even though I know it's not my fault.
I'm trying to let go of the lie that I'm being "lazy." It honestly feels like that, especially when I'm feeling a little better and the contractions are under control. I feel like a lazy bum sitting here writing on my blog, reading a magazine, taking a nap or watching a video. I'm so thankful for a lap top where I am able to do some of my Kids Connection work from home, contact volunteers and work on our summer schedule. What a blessing to have it ;)
Although this is truly a season of transitions, I am trying to rest. Rest my body, rest my soul, rest my emotions, rest my mind and my heart. We are transitioning still to our life without Tyler, transitioning to our life to come in adding a new baby and being a basket case, transitioning things happening at work for Jerrod. Lots of new changes, not bad or good, just very different. I think we're still trying to figure out how it all works and how it all fits.
One thing I do know is this though.... I have seen some fun little answers to prayer. The Lord has really been showing me how much I need to let go of trying to control and fix everything and make everything work out. It's been fun to see Him prompting my heart to just pray instead. It's quite freeing to allow God to be the Sovereign God He is! It great to sit back and just let Him do the fixing!
My belly is growing and Sawyer is kicking away. The nurses kept laughing while I was at the hospital because they couldn't keep him on the monitor. He's a mover and a shaker! All my boys have been this way, but he got extra testy when they would try and tie the monitors on me. You could almost hear him say, "Hey, get out of my business!!!"
Some Prego Facts for this pregnancy so far....
*During the ultrasound on Sunday, the technician estimated Sawyer's current weight at 2 pds., 4 oz. He still needs to put on some weight before we meet him though ;)
*I am measuring to the day with my dates, so praise the Lord Sawyer is growing perfectly. Just where he should be. I'm 27 weeks and 1 day.
*I've gained 12 pounds so far.....I think I gained that a lot quicker with Tyler, but since I'm having these racing heart things and now I'm on the terbutaline medicine, it's keeping things busy in my body. A friend likened it to running a marathon all the time. The medicine keeps your heart rate up, so maybe it's burning more calories. Maybe the bed rest and heart racing thing will cancel each other out :)
*Sawyer's baby bedding came in, so I will have to keep everyone posted on the nursery. I laugh that I am on bed rest now and can't really do much, but thank goodness for great friends that can help.
I'll try and post pics of my 7 month belly within the week:)
A bit of a scare this morning when I thought I lost my mucus plug, but things are looking okay. I'm back at the hospital today hanging out, being monitored, checking my cervical length, etc. This lovely picture is to document today's fun ;) Yes, this is me during my second hospital stay in the last 3 days. I just figured Sawyer should be able to look back and see the drama he caused :)
I especially love how you're never quite prepared to be at the hospital with a lack of grooming, shower, freshly painted nails, etc. I think I've discovered I just have to laugh about those details! Oh well....
I hope everyone's Mother's Day is full of peace. More to come as I document this lovely time in bed.....
Well, from my last post, our story has changed a bit and I'm sure will continue to do so over the next few weeks and months. I called into the doctor's office on Thursday to ask about some contractions I was having and of course, what do they say every time? Go to labor and delivery.
So I put Coop in the car, headed to the hospital, planning to stay for an hour or so for them to tell me I was silly. That actually didn't happen. They put me on the monitor for a while and I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes. I got a Terb shot and that slowed them down for a little while, but by Thursday night, after getting some pills too, they picked back up. When they checked me, I was dialated to a 1, so obviously we needed to get the contractions stopped.
I ended up staying Thursday night at the hospital just to monitor things and got home yesterday evening. So...what does all this mean? Well, for now, it means complete bedrest. I'm on Terb (Terbutaline) every 2-3 hours (so fun to set your alarm to take medicine:), and taking it easy.
As I sat in the hospital for about 24 hours, I kept thinking "Really Lord, what in the world??" But the truth is, He knows. He knows my fears about having this baby early, He knows my fears about losing another baby, He knows my fears about having a nicu baby, He knows my worries about all the little details. I had to think about how funny and ironic it is that He is ALLOWING me to just sit in all this. I can't go anywhere or do anything. I just have to BE.
I think I was "working away" this pregnancy. It had gone so fast and I was busying myself with life trying to not deal with all of my emotions about Tyler and having another baby. Well, no more busy for me for now. It's hard to let go of the control, but I know it is what's best for me emotionally and what's best for Sawyer physically.
I would love to get to August 2nd, my scheduled c-section date, so please pray for that. I know it will be a long several weeks, but I know that is what would be ideal for Sawyer. He's already something I tell you, the nurses could never keep him on the monitor. He was so mad every time they would try and pick up his heartbeat and would just punch and kick at it. It was really funny, but maybe it won't be so funny in a few months;) Maybe this is my calm before the storm and he might be giving me a run for my money! Either way, I can't wait.....
It's so hard to believe that Mother's Day is already here on Sunday. Where has the time gone? I have had my fair share of Mother's Days that have been hard, my fair share that have been a great time to celebrate all that God's done, however, this one will feel very different.
When Jerrod and I started trying to have children, we tried for about two years to get pregnant with Cooper. When we got pregnant the first time, we miscarried in March of 2005, so that May's Mother's Day was really hard for me. To already feel like a Mom is so many ways, but to not even be pregnant any more. We got pregnant with Cooper a few months later and he was born the next March.
Mother's Day 2006 was a really fun year. Cooper was about 2 months old and we dedicated him on Mother's Day that year. Such a big moment to finally be holding our precious Cooper after praying for him for so long.
We tried to get pregnant again for about a year and a half and finally got pregnant in February 2008. We lost that baby too. Of course Mother's Day rolled around and we found ourselves so excited to have Cooper, but also longing to grow our family and grieving the loss of that baby.
We got pregnant with Tyler and he was born on February 9, 2009. Was a gift! Just like his big brother, we dedicated him to the Lord that May. Mother's Day 2009. Looking back, what a special day we will always treasure. We were able to dedicate both of our boys on Mother's Day and we could have never forseen that we would lose Tyler just a short month and a half later.
Here were are again. It's Mother's Day 2010. Only a year ago, we stood on a stage with both our boys, seeing the journey the Lord had brought us through, with thanksgiving in our hearts, we gave Tyler to the Lord. We emotionally and spiritually said, "Here Lord, here is our baby, please grow him in the way he should go and help us to raise him to love you." Little did we know that the Lord would actually ask us to completely give Tyler to him. He physically asked us to give Him Tyler.
It's a very different Mother's Day because as I feel Sawyer moving and kicking in my belly, my heart longs to feel Tyler's embrace. My soul longs to be with all my boys, but my story will not allow that until we are all complete and standing before the Lord in Heaven.
I pray for so many women out there who desire children but do not have them yet, who have lost children through miscarriage or death, who are estranged from their children because of choices that have been made. We all have a story, but thankfully the Lord is fully aware of how it is written and how it will end. I'm so glad I don't have to have it all figured out.
"May the LORD give you children from this woman in place of the one she dedicated to the LORD."
I am so blessed to be called a child of The Most High. I am a pastor's wife and a mommy to four wonderful boys. God is good and He is faithful...we are a testimony of that Truth. We would love for you to join us on our journey of grief and healing, as well as take a peek into the everyday craziness of ministry, little ones, marriage, and life.