The Rumleys

One Month Away

2012-01-17T10:36:00.000-08:00

Last week a sweet friend did a 3D Ultrasound for us to sneak a peak at baby. My heart needed to see it's little face and see what Baby #4 is going to look like....or at least get a good idea. About a month ago, someone reminded me that I had not shared on the blog the circumstances of how we got pregnant this time and the story of God's sovereignty in it. Many of you probably already know a lot of the details, but wanted to put it on here in case you were curious....

After Sawyer was born, Jerrod and I felt a strong sense that he was our little blessing and provision from the Lord, and unsure if we would have more children. We had done small measures in the past to get pregnant which included laparoscopies and Clomid, but after Sawyer, we felt like unless the Lord did a miracle, we were not going to pursue those options. I wrestled in this a little, not quite sure how I felt about that at the time, but also wanting to follow and respect Jerrod's leadership in that. I had started to experience endometriosis pain a couple of months after I stopped nursing Sawyer and went to see my OBGYN to discuss my options. He decided birth control would be a good start since we didn't really want to have another laparoscopic surgery. I was supposed to start the pill two weeks later when I started my next cycle.

I waited and waited for my cycle to start. It was June and we were enjoying lots of trips to the water park and friends' pools, and just busy with the boys. I was an emotional wreck for a couple of weeks as Tyler's glory day was approaching on June 24th, and just didn't feel right. Two days before that, on June 22nd, we were on our way home from the water park and I started adding up my days and how late I was. 5 days late. Not too late, but enough to make me curious. I was in denial and even tried to put it off a few more days. A friend dropped a test off at my door step and sure enough, a blue plus sign.

What in the world?? How could this be? I was shocked. I was scheduled to start birth control, it was two days before Tyler's Glory day (which was quite the timing), and as I started to look at the calendar, I lost my breath when I looked at when the due date would be. February 23rd. And with a c-section, that makes it a week earlier...February 16th.

Exactly ONE week after Tyler's birthday, which is February 9th. Baby #4 is scheduled to come one week to the day after Tyler's 3rd birthday. My mind was racing with so many emotions and continues to amplify as time is growing very near. Would this baby be a boy? Would this baby look like Tyler? Have dark hair the way Tyler did? How and why has the Lord orchestrated all of this? It feels overwhelming and it feels hard to imagine ourselves walking through all the same seasons we did with Tyler. Very familiar and very close to home.

My heart wants so badly to trust the Lord, but my soul is grieving and overwhelmed and anxious. Our prayer is that we would begin to bond with this baby now, as he/she will be here in around 4 short weeks. Our prayer is that we would trust the plans that the Lord has for our family, whatever they are. Our prayer is that we would embrace this enormous blessing and view it as such, a blessing.

Tyler is feeling farther and farther away and it makes my heart sad. What would he have been like as a big boy of 3? Would he have looked like me or Jerrod? Would he be funny and witty? Would he love sports the way his brothers do? What would his nick names have been? So many dreams and hopes for him remain just that....dreams. But they are fresh, and the missing and grieving continue, especially as many people see our family as having 3 children instead of the four that are very real to us. Our kitchen table would have been a full family of 6 in a few weeks.

My body and mind are weary and tired, and I know there is more of that to come in the weeks and months ahead. I am praying for a supernatural peace and the ability to truly abide and rest in the Lord.

So, without further ado, here is baby Rumley in all its chubby glory:) At nearly 34 weeks, he/she was already measuring 5 lbs, 7 oz. Yikes! This may be my biggest baby yet! I'll try and put a poll together so that everyone can vote on gender and weight. Sweet baby! I think he looks a lot like Sawyer, what do you think?

The past month in a nutshell...

2011-12-17T21:45:00.000-08:00

Life has felt a little overwhelming lately, and something tells me we need to buckle up our seat belts because we are t-minus 8 1/2 weeks until Rumley baby #4 comes! Yikes! I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone and if I get up the courage, I'll post a belly shot. I went to the doctor on Wednesday this past week to discover I had gained 6 pounds in TWO weeks! This time of year is brutal with all the holiday food, Christmas parties, cookie exchanges, etc.

The Rumleys have been quite busy and I wanted to FINALLY get some pics up of what we've been up to lately. Here are the highlights:)...

Coop had his first loose tooth....

And when Jerrod's mom was here, he let her pull it!

Coop and I attended the Mother/Son dance for his school.

My sweet date! We went for pizza first with some of the other moms and kids and then headed for some fun at the dance. I discovered I have a lot to learn in letting go of my little man! I am such a "helicopter mom."

Sweet brothers:) Sawyer adores his big brother (aka "Bubba")!

He is starting to talk so much more and it's amazing what he understands. You forget how smart they are so early on!

Coop had his Christmas program at school. We unfortunately missed it because we headed up to Hume for staff retreat, but thanks to sweet friends, we got some cute pics:)

Cooper and his buddy Jemma.

The two of them doing their speaking part at the end:)

The Well Community Church's staff and most spouses:) It's crazy how many new faces there are each year! We of course had a great time of connecting and getting some time away. This was our 6th staff retreat and I have never attended without a child or pregnant, so I'm thinking next year is my year;)

How beautiful is Hume?? It looks like a fake background!

Me and my sweet hubby:) Please excuse my chubby cheeks! All we did was eat and sit around hanging out....I've got work to do:)

Cutie pies hanging out in the ball tub. All boy!

Someone has discovered that he LOVES ketchup and loves to dip everything in it...mostly his fingers. Here he is enjoying his In-N-Out burger!

Sawyer also loves to crawl under, through and on top of things. Here he is in a little distress stuck under the bar stool:) I couldn't resist snapping a pic;)

Jerrod and Coop had the privilege to be a part of a wedding of a sweet friend a few weeks ago...aren't they handsome?

On Thanksgiving we took fresh flowers to Tyler and spent a little time at his grave. We had a really sweet Thanksgiving this year with another staff family. Yummy food and very low key:)

I have no idea why the video below posted twice and I can't delete one of them, so there you go:) We have been having a lot of dance parties lately, so enjoy!

We hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful week with family and friends!

Family, Halloween Fun & Fits

2011-11-04T14:03:00.000-07:00

We have been quite busy wrapping up the end of soccer season, Jerrod's Mom (Sammie) coming to town, Halloween and Jerrod's birthday:)

We had Coop's last soccer game and his soccer party at a local pizza place. The kids were so excited to get their trophies!

Coop's favorite coach and of course one proud Daddy!

Sammie and Sawyer had fun too. Sawyer's favorite part was dancing to the juke box music. He's got some definite moves! I need to video soon....he is hilarious!

Sunday afternoon we did a little pumpkin carving since Sammie said she had never done it. It's fun for a little while, but man it's a lot of work!

Especially when Sammie buys a 45 pound pumpkin that requires shoulder deep commitment to get all those seeds out:)

Coop having fun:)

The finished products :) The big one was supposed to have eye balls attached, but they didn't quite make it in the cutting process:) Oh well!

My Knight and my Turtle.

We borrowed the knight costume from a sweet friend and Sawyer recycled Cooper's turtle costume:)

Cooper showing Sawyer the way to trick-or-treat:)

Someone is a big fan of Halloween candy!

The knight and his princess:)

We ran into Logan, Coop's little buddy, out trick-or-treating and couldn't resist snapping a quick pic. We were a little scattered this year and didn't see and take pics with several friends we normally see:(

I had to add a couple quick pics here at the bottom of what happened earlier in the day of Halloween...

My sweet angel Sawyer, well, as you can see, has developed quite an opinion about things he doesn't want to do. Like come inside when he would rather be outside.....That boy LOVES being outside. Especially if he can have a golf club in one hand and ball of some sort in the other:)

I hope everyone enjoyed their time with family had a safe, fun Halloween!

Jog-A-Thon

2011-10-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

Well I'm only about a month late in posting these pics, but oh well:) Cooper had a jog-a-thon to raise money for his school and he raised almost $150! Way to go Coop! He got pledges from friends and family that gave him money for how many laps he ran. He ran 13 which wasn't too bad for his first year:)

Each child had a piece of paper pinned to his back so that with each lap the parents and teachers could keep track of how many they had run.

It's all fun and games the first couple of laps and then they all started to poop out:)

I love the determination on the kid's face running next to Cooper:)

And yet more determination:) I love that Coop has a good time wherever he is! Look at that big grin;)

Starting to get a little tired and walking a little...chatting with a friend as she ran by:)

Someone else could barely contain his excitement:) He was really tired since it was nap time and was soaking in all the crazy Kindergarteners!

Coop about to get another lap marked on his sheet. Jerrod was a "marker" :)

So excited to almost be done:) I love it! It was a lot of fun, but I'm pretty sure those poor teachers were more tired than the kids. We're so proud of you Coop!

Sweet Sawyer

2011-10-16T13:37:00.000-07:00

Thank you Cori for taking these precious pics of my sweet boy!

How are you already almost 15 months??

You light up our lives little one with so many smiles and your tender spirit. And you are going to be a BIG brother in FOUR months. I can hardly believe it :)

You find joy in even the little things;)

You are so inquisitive and observant....

And you've got that little sparkle in your eye that all my boys have:) I might be in for it soon. But for now you are my sweet Sawyer ;)

19 Weeks!

2011-09-30T10:42:00.000-07:00

I can not believe that I am almost half way done with this pregnancy! I am a little past 19 weeks and everything is measuring great. We are so thankful!

Here's the profile of our little peanut ;) We actually (and miraculously) resisted the temptation to find out this sweet pea's gender on Wednesday. I still can hardly believe it, but it will be a phenomenal surprise in February!

A little 3D pic...it's hard this early because sweet baby has NO fat on his/her little body, so he/she is so tiny:) 9 ounces to be exact!

A little comparison....the pic on the left was at 5 months with my pregnancy with Sawyer and the one on the right is this time around. Looks pretty similar to me:)

Strangely I'm still fighting some nausea, but go figure! Other than those lovely moments of dry heaving, I'm feeling pretty good until I crash in my bed each evening:)

The count down in on for mid February! Baby Rumley #4 is coming, ready or not;)

Soccer!

2011-09-27T10:57:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again...

Soccer season's in full swing!

Jerrod's coaching Cooper's school team and we are loving how they have it set up in under 6s. It's 3 on 3 which really allows the kids to get to the ball and mature in their skills.

Making a run for the goal...

Go!!!

GOOOAAALLLL!

Cooling off with a squirt of water on the neck!

Working on his skills...

The "I'm hot, sweaty and tired" face:)

We're so proud of you Coop! You're doing awesome out there and having so much fun ;) Can't wait to see you grow in your love for the game!

My Brother's Wedding

2011-09-10T14:20:00.000-07:00

After our wonderful vacation to Carmel, we headed out a few days later to Scottsdale, Arizona for my little brother's wedding. While I was a little reluctant on how the boys would do spending roughly 10 hours in the van, they did awesome! We woke up early and headed out on the road and arrived in Scottsdale around 4:30 pm.

One of the big time added bonuses was the anticipation of seeing all of my family. Since we live so far from Arkansas, we very rarely see them, and now we were able to see them all at once! All of my dad's side of the family had only met Sawyer once when I flew home last fall, so it was so fun to swim together, eat together, and let the boys show off for all the adoring grandparents;)

Here are a few pics from our time in Arizona...some of these are pics that I snapped and some are screen shots from the photographer, so may be a little grainy:)

Swimming. The everyday ritual:)

My beautiful mom...isn't she precious?

My wonderful mom and my sweet stepdad, Bob.

My awesome Dad and my lovely stepmom, Stephanie.

Someone's whole night was made when he was able to down a glass full of sparkling apple cider. So proud!

My handsome, big boy!

It was very HOT, but the setting was beautiful.

My sweet family with my brother and both sets of parents.

Being the ring bearer is lots of hard work and requires lots of concentration! The REAL ring was on there:)

After the "I do's" ;)

Chris and his beautiful bride, Rebecca

The sparkler exit was a big hit, especially with Coop! I've never seen such big sparklers before!

The candy bar was a big hit as well...Coop (and Jerrod) couldn't keep their hands out of it!

Daddy and sweet baby boy during the ceremony.

Me and my "escort" to the reception;)

Chris and Rebecca, I wish you both the very best and pray for your lives and your marriage often. He, our Heavenly Father, is the source for everything you will ever need. We love you guys!

Back Where I Started From

2011-09-08T10:10:00.000-07:00

Why is it that I often find myself right back where I started from? The days feel long, my head spinning with all the things on my so-called "to do" list and the thought of accomplishing even the first couple things on the list feels overwhelming. As fall approaches, I find myself likening how I'm feeling to being in a corn maze. Corn stalks sky high, unable to see over them. Turning right, turning left, completely unable to see which way will take me to the finish line.

The aroma is sweet, so I know there is good and things to be thankful for, but the lostness feels lonely. The center look-out tower in the middle of the maze seems too high and far off to approach. I can't quite figure out how to get there. I know that if I could just get to that high place, I'd be able to find my way and see through all that seems unclear, the path that would lead me out. I often mistake that God is the one sitting on the tower, shouting directions to me, helping me find my way. He is most definitely seated on the throne, but He is a far cry from the One who shouts and dictates the way that I should go.

Feeling completely alone many days, I want to curl up in a ball in the corner of the corn maze and just give up. I can not hear, I can not see. I have been here before, like I've been running in circles, passing the same markers time and time again. The task of moving forward is way too daunting. I sit in my pity party tears of what to make of my circumstances. It is not as much a sadness as an overwhelmingness of life and all that is brewing in my midst. When you set out on life's path, you never can be prepared for all the twists and turns that lie ahead, and frankly, had I seen what would have been, I would have given up a long time ago.

I place my worth and my value on the ability to see, but in the maze, sight is impossible. Is that the irony in it all? To walk by faith and not by sight? Still crouched in the corner, I find myself feeling unworthy, unimportant, undeserving of anything He has to offer. I peak over the stalk on my tip toes in hopes of discovering a solution, but find that the tower is completely empty. Completely void of an answer from up above. No one to help me or offer any sort of direction. Sitting back down, I reel with all the possibilities of what to do next. With my head down on my knees, arms wrapped around tight, I feel a pressing on my shoulder. Dismissing what it could be, I ignore it and continue on my planning path of what I can do to get myself out of this mess. The pressing intensifies, and as I almost utter words of wondering, He says my name. Who knows my name? Out here? Who knows ME? Besides that, why would anyone even care? I look up to see a familiar face, a reassuring smile I'm well acquainted with. A touch of His hand holds so much power that it urges me to stand.

"What are you doing down HERE?" I ask. With no annoyance or frustration in His voice, at the reality of yet another rescue, He tells me, "I'm here for you."

Wait, what??

When all I see of myself is disappointment, incapability, lack of trust, sinning the same sins, making the same mistakes -- there is not judgement or critique in His eyes. He is not surprised by my need to revisit similar anxieties or to re-express old fears. I have definitely been down this path before, and here I am again, finding myself on such a similar journey of trusting. It feels strangely frustrating that I should have already figured things out. Patience exudes from Him like a willow tree calmly swaying in a quiet breeze. His patience brings me peace. A peace the surpasses anything else I could understand.

In my deepest need, He is most there. In my biggest weakness, the power He exhibits is undeniable. What I could not do for myself, He did. He's done it for you too.

Why do I spend so much time in the corner of the maze? Why do I keep peering over the stalks for my salvation when He, the agent of rescue, is right next to me?

Trusting you, Lord, is what I choose today. And I'll choose it again tomorrow, and the day after that.

I choose you. Because you have chosen me.

Kindergarten

2011-09-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe I have a Kindergartener now! What a big boy! Here are a few pics from Coop's first day:)

Walking to school...

Starting a "first day of school tradition"....standing in front of the Wood's Elementary sign:)

Cool, new backpack....check!

Finding his name on the board before heading in to class:)

So proud of my sweet boy, and praying for a wonderful year in Kindergarten and for the Lord to continue His work in Cooper. Can't wait to see all that he will learn this year:)

I'm Back

2011-08-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

I am so. be. hind. The month of August has been a bit of a whirlwind with vacation, then home for a couple of days, then we headed to Scottsdale, AZ for my brother's wedding. On top of it all, I am EXHAUSTED and in those last few weeks of yuckiness in my pregnancy before hopefully turning a corner very soon;) This week, Cooper started Kindergarten, so needless to say, I have a lot of catching up to do!

Here are a few pics from our vacation in Carmel. We have had the absolute privilege and blessing of having some time away a few different times to a beautiful home owned by some precious friends. They graciously allow us to stay in their home just a few feet from the beach. We relaxed, ate, slept, and hung out. It was absolutely wonderful!

Sawyer's first trip to the beach...

Somebody was SUPER excited to get to the beach and hit the water. It was quite chilly though;)

My blue-eyed boy:)

We went to the Monterey Aquarium one morning and it is always so much fun to see Cooper explore! It's a really cool place with lots to learn about the ocean and it's sea life! Check out how huge this kelp tank is!

Watching the Kelp Forrest feeding time:)

The diver feeding the fish that live in the kelp forrest.

Day two: Sandcastle making

(they were a little pitiful, but Coop had fun!)

Just a little ways down the beach...Pebble Beach golf course! It's absolutely beautiful!

The sand angel seemed like a good idea at first, but someone was not very happy about rinsing off in the freezing ocean!

We went to a fun park in Monterey the last day and got the wiggles out:)

And this was the note we ended on...Cooper was throwing a big fit here, but we said snap the picture anyways....memories, right?!??

Sawyer's Party

2011-08-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry it's been a whole week! We headed out to the coast for vacation and I did not pick up my computer:) So here are Sawyer's birthday party pics....and vacay pics to come soon!

I seriously wish we could have invited every single person we know! There are so many wonderful people that have walked us through some of the hardest times in losing Tyler and the joyous time of celebrating Sawyer's birth. And now a whole year later marks a major milestone now that Sawyer is officially ONE. Please know that we love each and every one of you, we just couldn't feed everyone:(

The precious invitation (thank you so much Shara!)

Incase you can't infer from the invitation, the party theme was Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer:)

Table decorations...lots of burlap, twine, wood, wildflowers, sticks, reeds, rocks and picture lined mason jars!

The birthday banner! Isn't it amazing? Thank you so much Jess for all your hard work;)

The party favor table:) I put lots of goodies like tattoos, candy and bubbles inside these cute burlap sacks.

Then I printed out a little name card with a silhouette with a little boy fishing on it for decoration. I tied in on with some twine and voila!

The food table!!!! The food is always the hit of the party so I planned some yumminess:) And of course, some good ole southern food!

(I named all the menu items after characters in the book, "Huckleberry Finn," so it was a lot of fun:)

And aren't those tissue paper balls fun? I got the idea from a shower I had been to and they were so fun and cost effective to make!

On the Menu:

Fried Chicken (duh!)

Biscuits with butter and honey

Cheddar baked beans (sinful with chucks of cheese)

Party potatoes (Otherwise known as hash brown casserole)

Watermelon

Summer Salad

(with mandarin oranges, red grapes, green onions and almonds)

Sweet Tea

Lemonade

At the kid table:

Mac-N-Cheese

Veggie Sticks

Fruit Cups

For Dessert:

Mississippi Mud Cake

Peach Cobbler with ice cream

Homemade Chocolate Chip cookies

I have to say it was all pretty darn good if you ask me, well at least the little bit I got to eat;)

Outside from the trees, I hung twine with all of Sawyer's monthly pictures hung on them with clothespins:)

Cutie Pie!

I have to say that this was not my most shining moment:) When you're decorating in the afternoon heat, in the kitchen all day, and you don't have time to freshen up = sweaty Mommy look. OH well!

Bubby and Daddy

About to sing Happy Birthday!

Loving the cake!

Happy 1st Birthday Sawyer!

Happy Birthday Sawyer!

2011-07-31T20:54:00.000-07:00

My sweet Sawyer is ONE today!!! Oh precious one, the delight you have brought to our lives, the hope your presence has brought, the endless joy and laughs...it is all insurmountable.

I could stare at those crystal blue eyes all day long:)

Your spirit is so sweet and observant.

I just want to squeeze and kiss those cheeks!

You LOVE music and dancing. You love watching your big brother and squeal with delight any time he is near.

You are so funny with all your little faces!

How have these last 12 months gone by so fast? Where does the time go?

And yes, someone LOVED his birthday cake!!! More pics of the party to come this week:)

Happy Birthday dear one! You are so loved!

cat's out of the bag...

2011-07-28T09:48:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a slow trickle of information, but I decided it was time to make it official. Sawyer's first birthday is Sunday and I can hardly believe it! His party is Saturday evening and I CAN NOT wait to share all the details:) I should have plenty more time to update with pics from the party and a few other things next week. I've been swamped with getting things together for his party and quite honestly have been too tired to blog much in the last couple weeks.

So, needless to say, Sawyer's party is not the secret I was letting out today;) It's official. We are 10 weeks PREGNANT. OH MY GOSH! Am I really writing those words??? I will have to do another post in the next few days to tell you all the details, because yes, they are crazy and I can not even believe it myself! I will shamelessly ask for prayer:)

Here's a little snap shot of our peanut. Which by the way, I'm already calling it "he" because what else could it be but a boy?? Jerrod's still holding out hope that it's a girl, but I think I might fall off the operating table if they pull that sucker out and say, "It's a girl!" No, we are not finding out. Yes, it's really annoying for a lot of people. But hey, after all we've been through, I think it's time for a surprise this go around. Afterall, let's be honest, I have no where to put this child for a while anyways, so no need to paint a room or get a nursery ready. He or she will sleep snuggly in our room for the first little bit:)

Cooper informed me that it's probably a boy because "he" already has a mohawk. Lovely;)

The Tea Room

2011-07-23T14:33:00.000-07:00

A while back, my friend Katie and I had talked about how fun it would be to take our oldest kiddos to the Victoria Rose Cottage tea room once they had worked on their manners. Cooper has been asking about going for some time now, and with my groupon expiring this week, it seemed like the perfect time to take him on a little Mommy date.

Coop of course had to have the vanilla lemonade. It's delicious!

He was inquisitive about the tea cups and sugar cubes...I don't have girls, so the tea room was a new experience for Coop:)

We talked about VBS, what we were going to do on vacation, what all the decorations were in the restaurant, what carrot coconut curry soup is:), why some ladies had on hats, and what we were going to get for dessert!

Coop did an amazing job using his manners, keeping his napkin in his lap, not talking with his mouth full, and NO spills! Yay!

Coop's picture of me....

I loved my date with you Cooper Rumley! You light up my life and I love our little uninterrupted conversations;) Thanks for spending your lunch with me!

Another Peek...

2011-07-19T15:05:00.000-07:00

Can you guess what the theme of Sawyer's party is?

Busy Boy

2011-07-15T09:31:00.000-07:00

Can you guess what Sawyer's new favorite thing is?

He is soooo proud!

And thinks it is oh so funny!

(P.S., can you see his toe sticking out of his footed pajamas? That is what has happened to nearly every pair from him crawling. Thankfully we've moved on to "big boy" jammies with little shorts and a top;)

Who, me??

I thinks it's time for some cabinet locks cause Mommy is tired of picking things up all day;)

Cooper's Preschool Program

2011-07-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

So I'm a little behind in getting this posted. Okay, a lot behind, but better late than never and it was just too cute not to share....

Of course my Cooper was stage center and loving every minute of it. He had the absolute best year at preschool and we feel so blessed with the teachers he had!

Here are a few of his shining moments:)

Giveaway Winner!

2011-07-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

And the winner for the blog button is.... #10 Denise! Congratulations! I will contact Lindsey and let her know and then you can both correspond about your button:)

I hope everyone has a great weekend! I will post more pictures soon:)

Giveaway

2011-07-06T07:47:00.000-07:00

I'm super excited to be able to offer a personalized BUTTON* to put on your blog! Mine is over to the right with The Rumleys on it. Isn't it cute? Lindsey has offered to make a button for one lucky winner's blog :) All you need to do is become a follower of my blog and then leave a comment on this post. If you are already a follower, just leave a comment. It's that easy! I will use a random number generator to determine the winner probably on Saturday so you have plenty of time to enter:)

Have a great Wednesday!

*The button does not include any scrapbook elements.

Big News

2011-07-05T22:20:00.000-07:00

My blog is officially updated! AND my sweet baby boy is 11 months old! How can that be?

Don't you love the new blog design? Lindsey did such a good job putting everything together. Check back tomorrow for a fun giveaway :)

Of course Coop had to get his pic with Sawyer :)

A little sneak peak of some pics I took for Sawyer's birthday invites....More to come ;)

Play Land

2011-07-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday we had such a fun day! In the morning we headed out to Playland by the zoo. It's a great place for kids Cooper's age to ride rides.

Coop and Daddy on the roller coaster.

This one was a doozy! They were both so sick when they got off:)

The carousel...always a big hit.....

........Accept for this one terrified little boy! He was shaking and gritting his teeth the entire time. Poor thing!

Logan came over from the zoo after a while and joined us. These two are such buddies.

Check out the excitement on those faces!

Cutie Patoodie!

They even had little paddle boat rides. (I was secretly happy I did not have to ride on this one:)

It was such a fun morning, and then that evening, Jerrod and I took Cooper on a little date just the 3 of us. We went to see Cars 2 and then ate at Five Guys Burgers (um, yummy!). I'm a horrible mom and forgot to take pictures because I was so relaxed and having fun:)

Have a great 4th of July weekend!

Cue the 'tude....

2011-06-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

Let me just start off by saying that I love my children very, very much. They are some of the biggest blessings I could ever receive on this earth. I often tell Cooper, "You are my favorite Cooper in the whole wide world!" (After all he can't be my favorite son anymore now that we have 3;))

But let me also say that discipline has always been a challenge. Coop is our only child we've really had to discipline so far, other than an occasional "no, no" to Sawyer since he's only 11 months. We've been through the getting into things he's not supposed to, the tantrum stage, the multiple strong willed seasons, the hitting, the biting, the not sharing of toys, the throwing of food, the getting out of bed and coming out of his room 5 thousand times, and many other seasons. But he is now 5, headed off to Kindergarten, and.....wait for it.....

Cue the 'tude!

Oh my word, we have entered a whole new season of sassy attitude. We are really on top of it and talking a lot about honoring and respecting Mommy and Daddy, his heart attitude, and why God wants our heart to be joyful and kind, not grumpy and mean. Does anyone else have this issue? I know Cooper is trying to exhibit some of his own power and will, figuring out who he is and what he thinks about the world, but man it's so hard not to feel frustrated and angry at times.

His current saying, just to give you a funny example (one that I laugh at and he doesn't get in trouble for....or maybe he should, I don't know;).....When I ask him to do something, like "Hey buddy, can you bring me brother's bottle," or "Hey dude, please go get your shoes so we can go," I get the response of .......

"You got it BOSS!"

He's not being mean or disrespectful in those situations, he's just got this little attitude. Oh me, oh my. What's a mom to do?

Do any of you have wonderful teenagers that love the Lord and show respect and honor to not only you, but other adults? I'd love some Mommy advice on what you did to move through this little season besides pray ALL THE TIME and teach him God's Word:)

Tyler's Glory Day- Year Two

2011-06-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

On the morning of June 24th, we had yummy cinnamon rolls (Pioneer Woman I might add;), brought to our house by our sweet friend Brittany. Then we headed out to the cemetery to see Tyler's spot and take some flowers and a card.

Brothers;)

Daddy and his boys;)

Mommy and her boys;)

Another sweet friend, Shara, stopped by to bring coffee and say hi, and then

we headed out to Wild Water for lunch and part of the afternoon. It was just so relaxing and felt like we could just be in the day. I'll try and post pics of that later...

That night, we went out to dinner with our precious friends, the Vissers. We went to California Pizza Kitchen and had a ball just talking and laughing. The Vissers lost their son Kade coming up on 4 years this fall. This family has walked beside us since the day we lost Tyler and we are so grateful for their friendship.

I don't think we could ever say 'Thank You' enough for all the sweet emails, texts, cards and messages. Whether people were near or far, we felt very loved by people reaching out and recognizing the loss of our sweet baby boy;)

Celebrating

2011-06-25T10:15:00.001-07:00

Yesterday we celebrated Tyler being with the Lord now for two years. How can we call it celebration when we don't feel much like celebrating here on earth, and the truth is we really wish he was still here? I do not celebrate the fact that he is gone, because to focus on that would feel completely hopeless. My focus must be eternal, because after all, God's Word points us directly to the fact that our life here on earth is but a vapor. Here today and gone tomorrow. None of our moments are guaranteed, and after experiencing loss, one learns to live more in the present because the future is never certain. My focus must be on Christ Himself, the very one who has rescued me from the depths of my sin and reconciled me with the Father, as He has all believers. HE is the only one who makes our future certain. Without Him, there is no assurance of salvation, and without Him, we could never be "good enough" to live in a manner worthy of eternity with the Lord.

We celebrate because of that very hope, the assurance that we will one day be reunited with Tyler. We know that our lives here on earth MUST matter, and that He allows us to go through many trials and hardships in our lives to prove that HE is all we need, and that through those experiences, we have a choice to either reject Him or draw close to Him.

I remember the day that Tyler died, all I could muster was, "This is all my fault." I remember feeling this way for two reasons. One, I had allowed him to go down for his nap with a little blankie and I blamed myself that that's what may have killed him. Two, I made a direct correlation with me not spending enough time in God's Word and Tyler's death. I blamed myself, feeling like "if only I had been in the Word more, God wouldn't have punished me like this." Oh man, to know how that must have grieved the Lord. Don't get me wrong, God most certainly desires for me to know Him and to love Him. He desires for me to be in His Word so that I can do just that. But He does not seek out to punish me. If the Lord had caused Tyler to die because I was not in the Bible enough, that would be purely based on works, which would be entirely contrary to His very word when He says, "we are justified by faith alone, not by works." (Romans 3:28).

Whewwww.

What a process of understanding that, sitting in that, and embracing that, though. But what a precious TRUTH! He does not love me conditionally (what I have to offer Him), He loves me unconditionally (nothing can separate me from His love). What SECURITY!

The day that Tyler died is one that will forever be marked in my brain. My blog is currently being redesigned, and with that, I will include Tyler's story beginning to end for those who would want to hear it. I can recount every single detail and second of the day. Thankfully some of those memories have faded just a bit, but others remain vivid and in full color. The amount of love and support that we experienced after Tyler went to be with the Lord was nothing like I had ever experienced. It was a beautiful picture of the body of Christ coming together to care for a grieving family. I wish I could share the incredible stories, but many would probably prefer to remain anonymous;) To say that we have been overwhelmed with love is an understatement.

A few precious friends have blogged about Tyler, and I received a few emails and face book messages yesterday stating that we have walked through this journey with "grace and faith." Can I just express some of my insecurities and be really honest?? I am so thankful that the Lord has used Tyler's life and death as a way of pointing back to Him. I am thankful that people may perceive that we've walked through this well, but do not let that deceive you. I have A LOT of hard days. I have definitely questioned the Lord. I have not turned my back on Him, but I have asked Him some significantly hard questions. I have had to dig into His Word and look at the consistency of His character because I needed to make sense of the train wreck our family has experienced. I have lost it with Cooper many, many times. Both in anger and in sadness. I have taken things out on Jerrod countless times because of my grieving. I have acted out of emotion more times that I can recall. I have been a basket case in public restrooms, in my car, at other peoples' house, at the hospital with every ER run I made with Sawyer, and a slew of other places. I have cried so hard (on multiple occasions) that I have induced a panic attack (lovely).

I just want people to know that we are putting one foot in front of the other, and many times not too gracefully I might add. I struggle with feeling super insecure about how we've dealt with this loss, because being in ministry, you live in a glass house a little bit. I would never change that and I am thankful for the accountability, but we are so far from perfect. We still struggle through sin and selfishness just like we all do. I still struggle with insecurity (on multiple fronts) of "what will people think." It's a monster that I wrestle everyday and know that I must take those thoughts captive.

I just needed to confess all that and be really honest. I appreciate all the encouragement, but I wanted to be real and let you in to the "real us." ;) We are very imperfect people, living in an imperfect world that includes bills, cars breaking down (that also have an odor mixture of in-n-out burger, sweat, and soured milk), children who do not obey, sleepless nights, weeds that need to be pulled, dirty shower grout, sticky floors and dust an inch thick on most pieces of furniture. Thankfully we serve a perfect God, one who is sanctifying us to become more like Him and who doesn't really care about all those silly details*. He just cares about our hearts.

THAT is something worth celebrating;)

(* The Lord very much cares about the smallest of details in our lives, especially things that are close to His heart like our children, but I think he's less concerned about the dirtiness of our home and car, and more concerned about the state of our heart;)

* These 3 month pictures of Tyler were retakes because he was super grumpy during the first ones. I remember the only thing that would make him smile was when I got right behind Cori and smiled at him. Just a precious memory of my sweet boy;)

Two Years in Glory

2011-06-24T21:40:00.000-07:00

Today's been a tough day, harder than we expected in a lot of ways. I don't have a lot of energy to put into a blog tonight, but wanted to share Tyler's laughing video again from the day before he died. We love you precious one...

I will blog more from our day today tomorrow. Thank you everyone for every sweet email, text and facebook message. We were blessed by every single one;)

The Day Lillies

2011-06-23T13:41:00.001-07:00

Precious reminders of God's faithfulness.....

What's Gnu?

2011-06-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

During the summer, it's important to me to maintain some sense of structure now that preschool's out. Besides that, with Coop starting Kindergarten in the fall, I want to do a few educational things with him when I can.

If you haven't seen all the games by "Thinkfun," you are missing out! They are at Target, and here is one that will be wonderful, especially next year and as Coop gets better at reading and spelling.

It's called "What's Gnu?" Pretty cute, huh? It's pretty simple, but you lay out all the game cards that have letters and blanks on them. One person slides the letter cartridge to reveal two letters. All the players look at the letters and the game cards and try to complete a word. The player that makes the word, takes the game card. Whoever makes the most words "wins."

Just a few of the words I helped Coop make:)

Some of the other games at Target we like are Zingo and Smatch....they are more on a preschool level, but Jerrod and I have been known to get a little competitive while playing as a family;)

They make great birthday gifts at around $17 a piece too!

What are your ideas for summer educational stuff??

More Firsts

2011-06-17T20:24:00.000-07:00

Somebody's in his "big boy" seat (facing backwards of course for a little while longer:)

Loving having a little more room:)

We took a fun trip to Wild Water this afternoon with our season passes. Jerrod and Coop went all the time last summer while I was giganto pregnant.

Coop hiding under the waterfall.

Happy boy on the slide

I had to add this one. Thought it was worth a good laugh:)

Sawyer and I hung out in the baby part while Daddy and Coop headed to the wave pool and the tubes.

Love my boys;)

(And p.s., Sawyer has his tongue hanging out at least 50% of the time, so here's proof for later;)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Get Over It

2011-06-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

I'm sure there are many an individual who thinks we should be "over" Tyler's death and that our lives should have moved on already. And I'm sure there are maybe even more people who think that since Sawyer's arrival, our lives are all better.....

That somehow by one's presence, we no longer grieve another's absence.

When you experience trauma in your life - true, expected, life-altering, tragedy - it's amazing the things that can trigger a response at a moment's notice. It takes on the form of post traumatic stress and can be brought on by a number of things....places, smells, sights, familiar experiences, seasons, or times of the day or year. In our specific case, summer time (June), the day lilies, swimming with the boys, walking by Tyler's old room, 2:00 p.m., sirens of any sort, seeing someone's baby swaddled too tight or covered by a blanket, holding a four month old, places we took Tyler (to the coast or the mountains), seeing a two year old (or however old Tyler would be at the moment), are just a few things that can promote a trigger. For me, sometimes when I experience these moments, my chest tightens, it's hard to breath, and I feel suffocated. Pretty much an anxiety attack.

With Tyler's glory day approaching, I feel like I am living in a series of events that are causing me to revert back to so many similar emotions. It's incredibly hard to explain, and many times I have a hard time recognizing it, like on Monday when I felt like no matter how many deep breaths I took, how many times I tried to talk to myself about how things are okay, the boys are fine, etc., I still felt short of breath.

Today was another day with those de ja vous moments. We went swimming, and I about had a heart attack placing Sawyer in Tyler's swim floaty. I flashed back and was immediately back in June 2009. All that ran through my head was "two days." Two days till Tyler passed away after being here, now I'm placing Sawyer in here. My anxiety had nothing to do with fear of something happening to Sawyer, but rather just an erie feeling. A post traumatic stress flashback.

We are approaching Tyler's glory day in a few short days, four days after my birthday (yet another trigger), and it feels surreal to be coming up on 2 years. How has it been that long? It grieves my heart to think people feel like we should "get over" Tyler's absence on this earth. The truth is, we will never get over his death. We will never stop missing him or wishing we could hold him one last time. But one thing I do feel confident of is this - that with the hope we have in Christ, we will get through it, not over it. And that my friends, is the very HOPE we can all experience if we will surrender everything over to Him, trusting Him with every detail, even things as precious as our children.

Nutella Cupcakes...yea, they're that good!

2011-06-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

Nutella Cupcakes...seriously as yummy as they sound, and most definitely as delicious as they look!

My sweet sister-in-law sent me a link with this recipe and it has been such a hit that I had to share! Thank you Ashlea...they are a fave everywhere we've taken them;)

My fancy shmancy way of putting the batter in the cupcake liners (ziplock with the batter inside and a corner snipped with scissors...much less of a mess).

I used Sawyer's baby spoon to put the Nutella into each cupcake. Worked like a charm.

Swirl it in with a little toothpick action.

Bake it and Voila!

Then for the butter cream icing! And by the looks of those 5 ingredients, we are not looking at low fat! That's what makes them so yummy of course;)

Again, another ziplock with the icing to top each cupcake.

Now this is the part that looks a little different than the blog pics. Sorry if I offend anyone, but when I began icing the cupcakes, it kind of took on the appearance of poo. Yep, that's right. Soooo, I rounded it off with a spoon and then took a toothpick to do a little design.

Top it off with some chocolate sprinkles:)

And of course, Coop wanted to top a few for the kiddos with some fun colored sprinkles;)

So, save up your calories for the day, cause these bad boys are incredibly worth it. Yum!

Happy Monday:)

Ingredients:

Devil’s Food Cake Mix 3 eggs

½ cup oil ¼ cup milk

½ cup water 1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup sour cream 24 teaspoons Nutella (1 per cupcake)

Nutella Buttercream:

¾ cup Nutella ¼ cup butter, softened

1 ½ -2 ½ cups powdered sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla

3-4 tablespoons heavy whipping cream

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line 24 muffins tins.

2. In a large bowl, whisk eggs, oil, milk, water and vanilla.

3. Sift in cake mix and stir in sour cream.

4. Fill cupcake liners ¾ full and then place a teaspoon of Nutella on top of each one. Using a toothpick, swirl the Nutella into the batter.

5. Bake for 14-18 minutes or until the sides spring back. (The tops will stay gooey because of the Nutella.)

6. Remove the cupcakes from the oven and place directly into airtight containers so seal in moisture.

7. Buttercream: Beat the Nutella and butter for 5 minutes. Add vanilla, then alternate between adding powdered sugar and heavy whipping cream. Taste the buttercream until you reach your desired sweetness. You may need to refrigerate the buttercream before piping it onto cooled cupcakes.

It's Summer!

2011-06-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

Summer's here, which means no more preschool and hello swimming!

We've had a fun couple days off with Daddy just relaxing. We went to Chuck E. Cheese's to celebrate Cooper finishing preschool and went to a fun swimming birthday party for Cooper's friend, Drew.

Coop excited on the way to Chuck E. Cheese's.

Sawyer's very first time on a ride:)

I thought this was hilarious...Coop couldn't reach this game, so while Coop looked through the 3-D part, Daddy did the "shooting."

Seriously, Cooper is too funny. Here he has goggles, a noodle and a squirt gun in hand.

It was a little chilly but nobody complained:)

Sawyer's first time in the pool. He LOVED it! He just splashed and kicked his feet:)

How sweet is he?

"Oh mom....."

And just one more...this is Tyler on June 22, 2009. He died two days later. This was his first time to go swimming too;) Just wanted to share my third sweet boy. I miss him so much and can't believe that his two year Glory day is approaching. The day lilies are beginning to bloom in our front flower bed, as they do every year during this time. They are yellow which seems very fitting as they remind me of the joy we have in Christ and the hope of sweet reunions one day because of Him.

Explore

2011-06-09T10:55:00.001-07:00

Guess who has become quite the little explorer?

You can find Sawyer pretty much all over the house. His favorite things are his brother's room, the tupperware and bottle drawer, the plants (both fake and real), and pulling up and chewing on everything in sight:)

He thought he was pretty big stuff right here! Lord help me when this child figures out how to actually get the caps off those puppies!

Have a great Thursday:)

Splash Park

2011-06-08T14:31:00.000-07:00

We headed out to the splash park yesterday afternoon, which was Sawyer's first debut in his swimsuit. I am the mom who bought my boys matching swimsuits (maybe it's dorky, but I don't care. I'm just so excited to have two boys ready to swim together this summer:)

The love/hate relationship has begun already, or at least "love/annoyed" ;)

Sawyer wasn't too sure what to think of it. It's still pretty cold and it splashed in his face quite a bit....

This is him trying to "escape."

And this is what entertained him the most...pulled up on a bar, chewing, and watching the other kids play;) He had a big time until the sunscreen ran in his eyes and big brother busted his lip;)

Oh well. Better luck next time! I'm pretty sure we were there all of 30 minutes:)

Fruit

2011-06-06T10:14:00.000-07:00

We have been talking with Coop a lot about his heart. What good is it to have a child who obeys when he does not have a heart for God? When he doesn't understand that his behavior is much more than doing what mommy and daddy say? This has been the topic of discussion at our house a lot lately.

The last thing we want to do is raise our children in a legalistic home where it's all about do's and don'ts and following rules. If it's not an intrinsic desire for them to do what is right, then they will all but rebel the first chance they get. Yikes! Sooooo...we have been talking about the fruit of the Spirit A LOT! Fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) is what a believer in Christ bears. It is the result of the Holy Spirit's work inside each of us. It's a way that we can begin dialogue with Cooper about the things that GOD desires for him to display. There have been some really sweet moments where he is starting to "get it."

With all that said, we have been thinking through some different discipline ideas for Coop. As a parent, discipline is always evolving as children are always changing! Oh how I wish I could just figure it out once! Can I get an AMEN?? We have been doing a rewards system with Coop for behavior at school, church, being a kind friend, etc. with rocks and a treasure box that I can expound on later if anyone is interested..... But the more I started thinking about it, the more I realized that we desire for Coop to do what is right (be kind to his friends, gentle with his brother, patient when he's bored (we hear about this one a lot..."I'm borrreeeddd"), to love those God puts in his path, etc.) because that what the Lord requires of him. Thank goodness for a sovereign GOD dwelling in us that is completing the good work He started! I can't imagine being kind or loving on my own...what a train wreck! And how much more for a 5 year old to have self-control without the Spirit.....impossible!

So we decided to make a little box with all the fruit of the Spirit written on the side and each time we saw Cooper acting kind towards someone, being gentle, having joy, being under control (rare, but it happens;), or loving someone well, we would write it down on a little piece of paper with the day and a description of what happened. It was so fun to open up the box at the end of the week and to share them as a family and to express all the wonderful character qualities that we saw in Coop. He was so proud and I love that it is an intrinsic reward rather than a little toy from the dollar spot at Target that he plays with for a day (although there is a time and place for those too;).

I love you Cooper Rumley. You are a world changer and our prayer is that you will let God use you to do just that, be an ambassador for Christ. I pray you will love Him with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. I am so proud to be your Mommy and I look forward to all that the Lord has in store for your life!

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in Heaven....For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the Truth." 3 John 1:4

If you have any wonderful discipline ideas, I would love to hear about them, as I'm sure everyone else would too:) Feel free to share them in the comments or post about them on your blog (just leave me your blog address so I can take notes;)

My little athlete

2011-06-04T16:05:00.000-07:00

Coop is our little athlete! There is no sport that kid does not like, unless it's one he's never tried of course;) He's a champ at catching the ball, swinging a bat, swimming, kicking a soccer ball, and hitting the clubs. I love watching him and I look forward to the long Saturdays of watching him play whatever sport he's into at the moment :)

His new thing lately is wanting to run football routes. Here he is laid out on the chair (much softer than laying out on the ground I'm sure:)

And Jerrod took him to the driving range today (yes, even in the rain).....

10 Months

2011-06-02T21:01:00.001-07:00

Sawyer Rumley, I want to eat. you. up!

Happy 10 Months sweet boy ;)

You are 19 pounds, 14 ounces...just weighed you today while taking you in for your snotty nose and to check your ears. You are mostly in 9 month clothes. Your squatty little legs still rock those 6-9 month jeans (crazy), but you are starting to wear some of your 12 month shirts, many I remember your brother wearing. You are still in number 3 Huggies, but I think you will graduate to 4s on the next go around.

You are cruising all over the furniture, pulling up on everything, starting to climb a little bit and slowly figuring out how to open that really fun bottom drawer in the kitchen with all the tupperware:)

Just a couple days ago, while running your bath water, you got so excited that you started to go head first over the side of the bathtub. Thankfully I was right there, but yikes, I will be keeping an eye on you little Mister!

No one keeps you giggling like your brother, but Daddy is pretty funny too! You are starting to be quite the little squealer and you get soooo excited when your brother plays with you. I'm thinking you might be a little spunky too;)

You are still rocking your bottle, drinking around 7 ounces at each one, four times a day. You are still eating your baby food veggies, fruits and cereal (rice and oatmeal). You are starting to eat some table food like avocado, banana, cheese, grapes, tomatoes, and some meat, but you like to chipmunk things that you are a little unsure of what to do with:)

You like to be right where we are. You will crawl (ahem.....scoot) all over the house to follow us room to room. You love the vacuum cleaner and crawl right up to it when I get it out. I think this has something to do with the fact that I vacuum ALL THE TIME when I am pregnant!

You take and morning nap and afternoon nap everyday for usually around 1 1/2 to 2 hours each. You hit the hay by 7 or 7:30 each evening. You love your bed! We love to go in and hold you and rock you by your crib, and many times you are reaching for your bed. Not complaining that you go down so easily, but I do like a few extra snuggles every now and again:)

You have sported your two sweet bottom teeth since.....well, since you were born actually. Funny thing, but seriously, Sawyer was born with his two bottom teeth almost in. You now have FOUR top teeth. I'm pretty sure they came in all at the same time!

One of your favorite times of the day is when you hear the bath water running. You start squealing and scooting towards the bathroom. Really cute! Once your in, you have begun perfecting the art of splashing and kicking;)

You are such a delight to our family sweet Sawyer and we love you so much. You have been and are still a remarkable piece of our journey of missing you big brother. We are so thankful that our Heavenly Father, in His grace, has given us you. The Lord is sovereign in His timing. I am so grateful.

P.S. For anyone interested in my SLR settings on my camera....

Canon Rebel XTI, 50 mm lens (a must purchase and around $100).

ISO 1600 (right by the window in the early afternoon but not quite enough light)

Shutter speed of 1/125

Aperture of 3.2 :)

Who Do I Look Like?

2011-06-01T13:57:00.001-07:00

Okay, to put to rest all the talk of "Sawyer looks just like his Daddy," I thought I would post a few pics of both of us to see what the consensus is:)

Sorry for the low picture quality...

Jerrod:

Jen:

I'd love to hear what you think;)

You can scroll down to Sawyer's 8 and 9 month pics to compare....

Good Times

2011-05-28T09:48:00.000-07:00

Although many of life's experiences are hard, heart breaking, and difficult, there are also those moments that make it so sweet. Friends play such a big role in our lives, and we are full believers that we (humans) were never meant to walk through life alone.

Here are just a few of the couples that we "do life with," our Life Group. These couples, along with several others, are who push us, sharpen us, ask the tough questions, get their hands dirty in the messes of life with us, and show us God's grace daily. We feel incredibly blessed by the community of believers He has surrounded us with here in Fresno!

And then there is the sweetness of little ones! Ahhh, how can something so small make you laugh so hysterically, cry so hard, or make you want to pull your hair out, many times within minutes of each other???

Here are my little cuties doing some of which they do best right now....dancing and clapping:)

Enjoy!

8 Months, 9 Months, Mother's Day

2011-05-24T11:12:00.000-07:00

Obviously I am totally behind on keeping the blog up to date, but better late than never. Here are a few of Sawyer's 8 and 9 months shots:)

8 Months:

9 Months:

Sawyer, you are growing way too fast! You are on the move constantly and I can't believe how big you are. You had a hard time sitting still for your 9 month pics, but aren't you a cutie sitting on your little bench!

9 Month stats:

weight - 19 pounds (10th percentile)

height - 27 inches (10th percentile)

head - 46 cm (75th percentile:)

You are our little peanut! And you are so smart with your big ole brain! ( big head)

*You are clapping your hands when we say, "Yayyyy!"

*You are waving and saying, "Hiiii," in the most precious little voice.

*You still absolutely adore your big brother!

*You are happy pretty much all the time.

*You are super observant and love watching what's going on around you.

*You are pulling up on EVERYTHING! and starting to cruise around the furniture.

*You still army crawl (very quickly I might add). Most hilariously, you've managed to put a hole in the right foot of all of your pajamas from pushing off while crawling.

One quick pic from Sawyer's dedication. It was a sweet and very emotional day. Mother's Day has a lot of meaning for me for a lot of different reasons, so I was very overcome. Rick and Judy Taylor stood on stage with us...our mentors, mom and dad away from home, fellow traveler in grief (They lost Kyle at 5 years old), and dear amazing friends.

Cutie boys right after bath:) Such sweet brothers!

My new favorite thing:)

Happy 9 Years

2011-05-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

9 years ago today I married the man of my dreams. He was everything I needed, wanted and hoped for.

That day we made a covenant,

part of which was for better or worse.....

In these past 9 years, we have had our share of amazing, wonderful, mountain top experiences, and we have also experienced the depths of grief, mourning and sadness.

We have laughed till we've cried, and cried till we've laughed, and I couldn't pick anyone more perfect for me.

He is an amazing Daddy. The best in the world if you ask me! He loves our boys. He teaches them about what it means to be a man...leading courageously, rejecting passivity, accepting responsibility.

He teaches them what it means to love GOD by his example.

He protects them, provides for them.

He shows them what it means to love people, God's people. No one loves people more than Jerrod. He shepherds well, leads well, and loves well.

He is an incredible husband. Everyday he dies to himself and puts me above him. He loves me, his bride, with an unconditional love. He does not judge, he does not keep record of wrongs, he serves me even when I know he doesn't feel like it.

He places me in the highest regard with the utmost respect. He tells me I am beautiful every single day.

He looks for a million ways to say 'I love you' without even saying the words.

He sees me through grace-filled eyes, never a critical spirit.

He leads our family with conviction and does not waver on what he knows to be true, leaning on the Truth of the Word.

What in the world did I do to ever deserve the gift the Lord gave me in Jerrod?

The truth is, nothing. I did absolutely nothing. It is God's complete goodness and grace.

I am praising the Lord for His faithfulness and His constant pursuit of me, of my marriage, of my life. I am thankful that He is never done with me!

Easter...finally

2011-05-03T19:22:00.001-07:00

We had a fun, low-key Easter with church and dinner with some dear friends, but it sure makes us miss our families on holidays:) Here are few pics from the last couple weeks...

These two adore each other....at least when Cooper is not pestering him:)

Cooper's preschool has the tradition of decorating Easter bonnets with each child and his parent. The kids can pick out whatever they want to put on top. Of course, as usual, Coop went with a sports theme:) We had fun hot glueing all the items on together.

Then they all parade around the courtyard to show off their masterpieces:)

On Easter morning, Coop and I made tomb rolls to symbolize Jesus being buried in the tomb after His death on the cross and then raising from the grave.

Here are the ingredients:)

You take a big marshmallow (Jesus), dip the marshmallow in butter, then roll it in cinnamon and sugar (I like to think we anointed Him:)

We then rolled up the marshmallow in a crescent roll,

tucked in and pinched the sides,

and put them all on a cookie sheet.

Put them in the oven....

And, Voila! Where'd the marshmallow go??

(Yes, "Jesus" might have oozed out the sides of the rolls, but you get the point:)

They were really yummy!

We had a little egg hunt in our front yard with just Coop.

Sweet Sawyer's new wrinkle nose face.

Showing off the loot!

How hilarious is this? Is he not too cute??

My sweet boys, minus one;)

Easter egg hunt #2 at our friend's.

Coop and his buddy Noah.

And finally, this little cutie turned 9 months this week! Where has the time gone?

We are looking forward to a very special day on Sunday, as we dedicate Sawyer Jace Rumley to the Lord. On Mother's Day. Our third baby boy to be dedicated on Mother's Day. What a sweet tradition;)

Cooper's 5th Birthday Party

2011-04-02T13:11:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday we had a "Movie Night" birthday party for Cooper's 5th birthday. It was the day that "Tangled" came out on DVD, so we thought it would be fun to do a low key evening with a few close friends. The kids got to come in their jammies and bring their sleeping bag and pillow.

Here is the invite that my sweet friend, Shara, designed for us...isn't it so cute? They were the size of a real ticket:)

Here are the favors...we got popcorn tubs from the $1 section at Target and filled it with popcorn packets, candy, a curly straw and a fun pencil.

Coop got to pick out different kinds of candy that he liked, we put them in cute glass vases, hot glued different color ribbon around them, and labeled them with card stock.

We found "Tangled" fruit snacks and thought it was a fun addition to our candy bar:)

It was hard to figure out how to serve all the kids popcorn, candy and a drink without making a huge mess on our floor. We went by In-and-Out and asked for their "eat in the car" cardboard trays. The kiddos could fill one side with popcorn and put some candy in a plastic bowl to set on the other side.

Coop's drink of choice...Lemon-Up....half lemonade, half 7-up:) I found some cute cups at Target that had sea animals on it with lids and straws.

We had a backdrop to take pics in front of with little posters from the movie, complete with a red carpet in front of it:)

I wrapped up boxes with fun wrapping paper to give the table some color, dimension and height. Simple and cheap:)

Completed table decorations...

Rapunzel and Flynn Ryder dolls as centerpieces (Yes, they were borrowed:)

The "popcorn cupcakes".... Aren't these cute? These were from a blog that had all sorts of cute ideas for cupcakes. They were super easy. Just bake the cupcakes, ice the tops, and use yellow marshmallows to make the kernels. For the bottom of the kernels, you cut a single marshmallow into thirds. Then "glue" a whole marshmallow to the top with icing. Voila!

Coop struttin' his stuff on the red carpet.

Daddy telling Coop all the things he loves about him and how proud he is to be his Dad. Super sweet:)

Singing Happy Birthday and blowing out the candle.

Coop enjoying the movie...

The kiddos intently watching. We borrowed a bigger t.v. from some friends and put it on a table so the kids could see.

Enjoying his popcorn and all his treats!

Sweet buddy Jackson. These two have been friends for most of their lives. Their birthdays are only a day apart. They were born 13 hours apart:)

My attempt at an "after the presents are opened" pic. All the kids cooperated except Coop...he was too busy checking out one of his new toys:)

The party was a big success and not too much craziness. The kids were wonderful and I think Cooper really enjoyed it all:)

Happy 5th Birthday Cooper Philip Rumley!

Busy, Busy, Busy

2011-03-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

What can I say? Life has gotten away from me:) I have so much to catch up on, but I thought I'd try to get a few pics up in the meantime...It's funny when you keep putting off blogging trying to find the time, there's always something else more pressing. Oh well, better late than never!?!

We have a crawler on the loose. Look out, because if he's anything like his big bro, he'll be walking in a couple months. I joke that it is my new weight loss plan I'll be adopting. Any moms with busy children will relate because you never sit down and you forget to eat (or don't have time;)

We've also been doing a lot of Just Dance for Kids on the Wii. Way fun, totally recommend it! We have had so much fun! I'll have to find a video that actually shows Coop doing the moves. Very funny;) He's pretty good at it! And it's a nice energy releaser on rainy days!

A pic from Tyler's birthday when we headed out to the cemetery. All 3 of my sweet boys;) Notice the shrine on the stone next to Tyler's. I always get a little giggle when we head out there.

Somebody is 5! Yes, 5!!!! I can't even believe my baby boy is so BIG! I'll be posting more on my sweet Coop in the next few days after his party next week:)

Sweet brothers;)

Okay, so I'm almost a month late posting these, but here are Sawyer's 7 month pics. (Yes he will be 8 months in a few short days, but I'm in denial...)

I'm so grateful to my precious friend Cori who has the most wonderful photography classes! I took a class of hers a few weeks ago and it has completely opened my eyes as to how to work my camera on MANUAL! That's right, no more automatic! I think they turned out pretty cute:)

Love that blue-eyed baby boy!!!

That's it for now, but just wanted to get a few pics up to feel like I'm attempting to keep up with the blog world:) Thanks for your patience!

Happy 2 Years Tyler James

2011-02-11T19:52:00.001-08:00

Happy 2nd Birthday Tyler!

You came into our lives very unexpectedly on February 9, 2009, at only 36 weeks when I had to go in to the hospital with complications. I like to think the Lord was giving us four additional weeks with you;) I was so afraid, having you so early, having a c-section and everything happening so quickly, but you were healthy and happy from the get go, and weighed an impressive 5 pounds, 11 oz. Praise the Lord!

Your big brother loved you from the moment he saw you, except for the occasional pinches and scratches he was faithful to administer;)

Your chunky little legs allowed you to inherit the song "Chunky" from the movie Madagascar. We had many a family dance parties to that song:)

( Please excuse the fit that Cooper throws at the end, and the video makes it look like Jerrod is shaking Tyler's booty more than he really is;)

(Never a dull moment! Poor Tyler is like "get me away from these two:)

You loved sleeping on Daddy's chest. It was one of your favorite things to do:)

You had big brown eyes, just like your Mama. You were a little stingy with your smiles for a while, but Daddy could get you to laugh by tickling your belly!

(Video taken just the day before Tyler passed away)

Just as unexpectedly as you came into our arms, we lost you before we had a chance to say goodbye. June 24th is a day that will be forever engrained in my mind as the day you saw Jesus face to face. I put you down for an afternoon nap and you never woke up. When the Lord predetermined the number of days you had on this earth, He took you home in the most peaceful way possible.

(Swimming just two days before Tyler passed away)

We love you so very much and miss you like crazy. I am so thankful for the promise of LIFE we have in Christ and the hope we have in Him. It's because of Him that I will hold you again soon and know the fullness of joy that is yours.

***I have been putting off writing this post, in denial that Wednesday has come and gone and the world is still going on with it's business. Thank you for your patience. Wednesday was a very difficult day for us. I'm not sure why, but it was much harder this year than it was last year...go figure. We purposely kept Wednesday low key...Coop went to preschool for the morning, Jerrod stayed home from work and we were able to just sit in the day. We went to lunch with Rick and Judy, our mentors, friends, co-workers, and fellow travelers on their own journey of grief after losing their 5 year old son over 30 years ago. What a sweet time. To just sit with people who get it, who recognize that the day should look so different, yet it feels very empty because someone is missing.

In the afternoon, we went to Tyler's spot and took new flowers. Coop ran around a bit and we got to just sit and take a few pictures. Then we ended our evening with a small birthday party at the park with our Life Group, eating pizza and cupcakes. I could tell the emotions were running high for both Jerrod and I, both of us individually holding everything in, trying not to burst at a moments notice.

I felt very overwhelmed when it came to thinking through details of celebrating Tyler's birthday because nothing seemed like enough. It always feels like I'm missing something, which is something that will probably never go away since Tyler absence can never be replaced. Even as I write this, I think back to all the things I wish I would have done, but didn't because I was too overwhelmed and frankly just kind of shut down. While Cooper and Sawyer's presence bring us such joy, Tyler's absence will never go away.

The mood around our house has been a little more solemn this week. We are so thankful for every call, message, text, card, email, hug and presence of those who love us, checked on us and recognize our grief is still very real. Thank you. The Lord has been so faithful to supply us with amazing support and we are so grateful, because to walk this alone would feel next to impossible.

6 Months Old

2011-02-01T14:43:00.001-08:00

Sawyer's 6 Months old!!!

My sweet pumpkin pie, you are getting so big and changing so much!

Here are a few things you are up to:

You are rolling over and looking all around.

You love your exersaucer and play in it while Mommy cooks;)

You are very alert and reaching out to touch everything.

You are now taking 3 naps a day at 9:00, 1:00 and a short little one at 5:00.

You are sleeping at night SOOO much better now! Last night you slept from 7:30 to 6:00, woke up to nurse and went back to sleep until 7:40! Way to go son!

You have been eating rice cereal for a few weeks and have now been introduced to all the "first" veggies and fruits.

You are still nursing 5 or so times a day. I love this sweet time with you:)

You LOVE your big bro! Everywhere he goes, your eyes are glued to him:)

You like sleeping with your bottom in the air and your knees tucked under you.

And an important must....you like sleeping with the top of your head touching the bumper at the end of your crib. Even when we try and move you, you wiggle your way back to your little spot;)

I think crawling may be in our near future...you are already scooting towards stuff.

You are starting to sit up without help.

You are such a smiley and content little mister!

We love you so much and can hardly believe you are here for us to love on and raise. Praise be to God for His wonderful gift! Happy Half-Birthday!

Love, Mommy

Give it Away

2011-01-29T14:05:00.000-08:00

Many years ago, before Jerrod and I even met, somewhere along the way, I knew deep down that some how I would be in ministry. I had a sneaking suspicion that the Lord would eventually call me to be a pastor's wife, and little did I know the ride I was in for. I truly can not imagine my life any different, and I feel blessed, unworthy, and unqualified many days to fulfill the mission the Lord has set before me, both as a mom and a wife.

As Jerrod has been in many different positions and roles, one constant has remained the same....people, God's people. The church. Who's needs, problems, celebrations, trials, successes, failures, baggage, addictions, relationships, births, deaths, and marriages never go away. Long ago when Jerrod and I both separately came to know the Lord, it marked a day for each of us, as it does for all believers in Christ, that in that moment, our life was no longer ours. It became Christ's. It was no longer what we wanted in life, what direction we felt best to travel, from big decisions to small ones, it was HE who would ultimately be the deciding factor and the compass in which we would follow. And with our lives being Christ's, we reside ourselves to the fact that He will and does use us as HE sees fit. In that, it brings true meaning to "die to self." Not what I want Lord, but what you want, no matter how much it hurts...sound familiar? A similar prayer that even Jesus Himself prayed shortly before He was crucified.

Although there have been many ups and downs both personally in marriage and in our family, but also in professional ministry, one thing is for certain. We are called to give our life away. It's not ours to keep, especially as believers in Christ. I think so often we get caught up in the lie of "do what makes you feel good," "oh I'm not gifted at this or that," "I just don't have time," "that's someone else's job", "I don't have anything to offer," or "I need to get my life together first" (It's a good thing the Lord already knows we're never gonna be perfect or else we'd all be waiting around till Jesus comes back! ;) ....excuse, excuse, excuse. Don't get me wrong, not everyone is called to professional ministry (where you get paid to do ministry;), but everyone is called to serve, to give their life away, to influence people for the kingdom, to make disciples. Amazingly, the Lord has equipped us ALL to do HIS work.

How are you going to give your life away? Are you going to be apart of a ministry team at your church? Are you going to partner with a local ministry in your area? Let's get a little more personal...Are you going to stop nagging your hubby and serve his socks off, even though he may not deserve it? Are you going to lay down your rights and expectations for "you" time to spend it on the floor with your kiddos? Are you going to sneak over and drop off a plate of cookies on your neighbor's porch just to encourage them? Are you sitting around at a party waiting to be served, or are you the one in the kitchen doing the dishes so everyone else can enjoy? (Love you, Jess!) The list could go on and on :) Don't sit by idle and miss out on what the Lord wants to use you for, and more importantly what He wants to do IN you!

I would love to hear how you are giving your life away. Big or small, leave a comment and let's spur one another on!

Where I am weak, He is strong

2011-01-26T19:42:00.000-08:00

As the days and weeks keep passing, I find myself looking at my blog and feeling very overwhelmed. So many moments in my day, I feel like the Lord reveals parts of Himself, truths that can only come from Him, glimpses of His faithfulness and goodness, and reminders of the abundant blessings He's lavished in our lives. Other moments, He's faithful to reveal specks (or lets be honest, sometimes logs) in my eye, showing me areas where I fall short, don't measure up and how desperately I need His grace.

I feel as though those moments are so powerful, and in the moment I wish I had the time to sit down in the moment and write all that He is doing in my heart, but unfortunately in the hustle and bustle of life, the moments are fleeting. So, here I am, doing my best to share a few nuggets of what the Lord's been doing in me.

The last few weeks have been rough. I'm pretty sure I went through (and may still be going through) a little depression. To compound that, or maybe what's causing it to be worse, is that we have a 6 month old that is not sleeping through the night yet. I have been beating myself up, feeling like I have been doing all the right things without any of the reward. Cooper slept through the night at 8 weeks, so I question what in the world I'm doing wrong ;) The past week or two has been much better, as I have been the schedule nazi, trying to work on consistency and it has helped tremendously.

To make matters worse, my anxiety has been pretty much on a level 10. For so long, 6 months has been my goal, my end point, my light at the end of the tunnel. I was so confident that once Sawyer was almost 6 months, that I would breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that the statistics were in our favor in relation to SIDS. After all, we had surpassed 4 1/2 months, praise the LORD! Unfortunately, as 6 months grows closer, I feel my anxiety raising again. In many ways I'm even ashamed to tell you how often I check the video monitor. You might equate it to some peoples' obsession with Facebook ;) Seriously, I feel like I'm glued to the thing!

This past week, we hit a turning point. Sawyer started sleeping so much better during his naps and at night, but with that came rolling over onto his tummy. Yep. You guessed it. That's exactly how he's determined to sleep. No matter how many times we would go in to reposition him, roll him over, and put the passy in, he's determined to be on his tummy. Not only that, but unwilling to have his face COMPLETELY turned to the side, but rather smooshed a little bit to the mattress. Be still my anxious heart! I wake up in a widespread panic multiple times a night to check on him, fearing the worst. I prepare myself almost each time I enter his room for fear of what I might find. After all, the Lord does not promise tomorrow, and just because He took Tyler, doesn't mean He couldn't or wouldn't take Sawyer too.

Needless to say, I'm exhausted. It feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and in many ways I feel like I've bought into the lie that it is up to me to keep Sawyer alive. Horrible and inaccurate, but a very real reality of where God is delivering me from. I love my sweet friends and especially my hubby too, so graciously and lovingly speaking truth into my life. The truth is, as one friend put it, I'm either going to trust and believe He is sovereign or I'm not. Yikes! Am I really believing He is sovereign in my life? I certainly am not living like I believe that. I take hold of the reigns way too often and the second I try to let go and give God permission to take hold of EVERY area of my life, I find myself right back where I started...yanking the reigns back, fooling myself into believing that I have everything more under control than the Almighty God, Creator of Heaven and earth. It sounds so incredibly dumb when you really stop and think about it, to think that I might have it more figured out or have better ideas of how my life should run than He does. So often I fail to invite God into the process, into the corners of my life, and allow Him to search my anxious thoughts (which are many;). I'm missing out on so much depth in my relationship with Jesus, because I'm so focused on all the immediate and pressing issues in my life.

What's more, is that if He is who He says He is, He loves my precious babies more than I could ever dream of loving them. He desires good for my life. Life is not always good, but HE is. Many days, trusting Him is a choice. A decision. It's not something I always feel, but rather a conscious choosing that His way includes the big picture, something that my near sightedness is blinded to. I'm so grateful for a Savior that sees my inadequacies, my human faults, and my inability to trust Him fully, and still His grace abounds all the more in the areas where I am weak. For where I am weak (really weak!), He is strong. A simple song, a simple truth, yet a profound statement that we make so complicated.

5 Months and Globetrotters

2011-01-13T09:56:00.001-08:00

Guess who's almost 6 months old??

Sawyer!

You like Coop's "work out" gear? This boy cracks me up!

We got to go to the Globe Trotter game this week thanks to some sweet friends;)

Coop had an absolute blast!

Nothing like cotton candy with your buddy Camden!

Marriage Book

2011-01-10T14:45:00.000-08:00

We are beginning to read an unbelievable book in our Life Group. It's called "What did you expect?" by Paul David Tripp. The amount of wisdom is abundant, but I wanted to share an excerpt of something that encouraged my heart today.

"The empty tomb points us to one more amazing thing. It teaches us that God is willing. Why would He go to such an extent to help us? Why would He care to notice us, let alone rescue us? Why would He ever sacrifice His own Son? Because is is willing.

You and I need to recognize that His willingness was motivated not by what He saw in US but by what is inside of HIM.

He is willing because He is the definition of mercy. He is willing because He is the source of love. He is willing because He is full of amazing grace. He is willing because He is good, gentle, patient, and kind. Even when we are unwilling, full of ourselves and wanting our own way, He is still willing. He delights in transforming us by His grace. He delights in rescuing us by His powerful love.

So, when you are sinned against or when the fallen world breaks your door down, don't lash out or run away. Stand in your weakness and confusion and say, 'I am not alone. God is with me, and He is faithful, powerful, and willing.' "

Christmas Time

2011-01-04T20:47:00.000-08:00

A few things that made my heart smile this Christmas....

Sweet cousins cuddling on the couch ;)

Christmas Eve jammy tradition...

Happy Birthday Jesus cupcakes :)

Jerrod opening the Brian Regan tickets I got him! :)

The look of sheer excitement...

over simple things like mouthwash ;)

My sweet baby boy, who the Lord has graciously given us even though we don't deserve him.

My first Christmas with two children in my arms. What a precious gift!

135 Days + 1

2010-12-14T16:45:00.000-08:00

The Lord gave us 135 days with Tyler. Today He gave us 136 with Sawyer. Another day, another gift.

In the days following Tyler's death, we were able to get some molds of his hands and feet. One of the things I treasure most.

Here are some special snap shots of Sawyer's hands and feet in Tyler's...

" ....All the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:16

3 months, 4 months, Oh my!

2010-12-06T11:38:00.000-08:00

A gallery of pictures today....

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your GOD. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

Help me out here...

2010-12-04T15:48:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to take a moment and ask for some feedback. I would love to know what it is that you enjoy reading about or seeing on the blog. I hesitate to get on any sort of soapbox, ranting on and on about subjects like marriage or parenting, but I also am not sure how many people enjoy seeing pictures of the boys, places we go, things going on in our crazy little world, etc.

I have mostly used the blog to allow you to see a window into our world, the grief process of losing Tyler, how the Lord has used it and what He is stirring in our hearts. Of course, there is always a few pictures of my sweeties to go along with that too;)

If you would, take a moment to leave a comment, or you can even email me if you like. I have some thoughts brewing and would love a little help from my blog friends:)

Thanks,

Jen

Two Week Countdown

2010-12-02T08:22:00.001-08:00

My goodness it's been a long time! I feel like the last month has flown by and the thought of it being December already is hard to grasp. My heart is full of so many emotions and feelings and I quite honestly feel very overwhelmed to try and capture the last month in one post.

The last few days have been hard to put into words. Starting yesterday, we entered into the two week countdown of Sawyer being 4 1/2 months. The exact age Tyler was when we lost him. There are so many similarities, it uncanny. Sawyer has been battling a cough and cold, which has left us worried, anxious, and with little sleep. When I took him in to the doctor, he weighed the exact same as what Tyler did at his 4 month check up. Sawyer is starting to feel the same in my arms, look the same in stature, same chubby little legs, same kissable cheeks.

I feel a little bit like I am suffering some post traumatic stress as I see and hold Sawyer. Not to be morbid or anything, but I have flash backs of finding Tyler and what he looked like and I imagine Sawyer looking like that. I find myself crying out to the Lord to please spare Sawyer's life. I find myself praying as I enter to get him up from a nap, begging the Lord to allow me to find Sawyer alive. I find myself laying awake in bed at night, listening to make sure I hear him breathing and stirring.

I know that the Lord does not want me to live in fear, and He tells me in scripture to not be anxious, but quite honestly I find myself struggling with both of those realities. I know that the Lord is faithful, but I also know that while that is true, He does not promise that things will be easy and He does not promise that I am exempt from more trials. He does not promise a long life to either of my earthly children or even my husband. A very scary truth in some senses, but also confirmation too, that He is God and He will do as He seems fit.

He will bring Himself GLORY and SANCTIFY me in the process.

The truth is, though, to become more like Jesus, our flesh must be stripped away. Don't know about you, but that sounds extremely painful.

Dying to self, taking off the old self and putting on Christ. Every day. Every moment. Every second.

I sure am glad it's not up to me on my own strength, because I will choose to give in to my own desires, fears, anxieties, struggles, and sin every time without HIM.

I am definitely at a cross roads of choosing to trust Him and believe that GOD is who He says He is. I am trembling at the thought of walking through the next two weeks. I want to just freeze time and never take a step forward, thinking that in some way, just maybe that will allow me more time with my sweet baby boy. But the Lord has asked me and called me to walk not be sight, but by FAITH. He has asked me to trust Him regardless of my circumstances or possible outcomes. He has asked me to relinquish my rights and the control that I fool myself into believing that I have.

I feel naked before Him, knowing that He is all that I have that is secure and guaranteed. And that is exactly where He wants me. Just me as I am, stripped of everything. Raw, unpolished, unimpressive. For that is where He can do the most work, and there, in that seemingly despairing place, is where HIS power is made perfect in my weakness.

Sawyer's Birth Announcement

2010-10-26T16:49:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share Sawyer's birth announcement ;) My sweet friend, Cori, did an amazing job as always! I so wish we could have sent this to every single person we know, but it just wasn't possible. So...you get to enjoy it here:)

The front....

The back....
I love all the colors and how the turquoise, orange and brown match his room. I also love the sweet cross she included on there for Tyler. He will always be Cooper's little brother and Sawyer's big brother ;)

My heart is heavy today for my best friend since 2nd grade, Mitzi. She lost her sweet baby at 20 weeks and found out today as they were headed in to find out the gender. It sure does make Heaven sweeter and make me long even more for a day when we will be reunited with our precious babies and be able to hold them in completeness. I love you dear friend and I'm so sorry that your heart is aching. Can't wait to hug your neck in a week. Love you, love you, love you. Tyler has yet another little friend to play with;)

The Most Important Thing

2010-10-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

I feel like my heart and mind are so full right now. So many times in the last few weeks I have had many thoughts that I've said to myself, "I should blog about that..." And here we are, with so many of those thoughts that have come and gone and unfortunately I have not written any of them down;) Oh well, thankfully the Lord knows my heart and each and every feeling I feel and thought I have.

Many times I see my life as a trek. The journey of the sights we see, both beautiful, inspiring, and breathtaking, and at times, awful, dark, scary, and unknown. I've been hiking, taken enough backpacking trips, and climbed enough mountains that those two truths are incredibly evident both in reality and metaphorically in my own life. Here lately I feel like I have gone through probably one of the deepest valleys I've been through in a while. Thankfully I feel myself coming out the other side, but when you are in the midst of darkness and you are not able to see much around you for the truth that it is, it is a very lonely and scary place.

For the first time in a long time, I was dealing with insecurities in every area of my life. I was insecure about my marriage, insecure with my friendships, insecure about my ability to keep my home together and running smoothly, insecure about my role as a mom to my boys, insecure about the safety and well being of my 2 1/2 month old, and overall just insecure with myself, the way I look, who I am, and where I fit.

Insecurity is crippling. It takes you to very dark places. I told a few friends that I opened up to that I felt like Satan had a bag of lies he was trying to sell me and I was buying up everything he was offering. I was at a place of feeling very worthless and a lot of despair. I'm pretty sure hormones contributed to all the yuckiness, but non the less, Satan and my sin were both doing a pretty good job of discouraging me and convincing me that maybe even the Lord might not even be approving of me as a person.

As Sawyer is drawing closer and closer to the age Tyler was when we lost him, I feel my anxieties raising and a little sense of panic. A couple of nights ago when I got up to feed Sawyer at that early morning feeding, I began to pray and seek the Lord. I began praying for my boys, their futures, for Jerrod, his ministry, and quite honestly for the Lord to intervene where my faith is weak in regards to my children's safety. I began praying for every breath that Sawyer takes and that the Lord would give me lots of years with him. I feel like in my mind I have already convinced myself that Sawyer too with only be with us a little while longer.

I began thinking about how desperately I want to watch my boys grow up and enjoy them for the rest of my life. I began praying for them both to fall madly in love with Jesus, to rely on Him for even the smallest details in their lives and for Him alone to be Lord of their lives. I felt like as I was praying, I realized with ever present clarity that THAT is the most important thing. For my children to come to know the Lord and love HIM with all their hearts. For the first time, I saw the simple truth that the most important thing is not whether or not my children live or die. The most important thing is that they KNOW HIM. What a perspective change and a great reminder. And how freeing, to see things with an eternal lens and not a fleeting, quickly leaving, momentary breath.

We are very much living in a place right now where we are being called to trust the Lord. Our lives are very full, busy, and sometimes a little crazy ;) You can pray that we would find time for true rest in the midst of a newborn, continuing to grieve the loss of Tyler, and ministry, with all the things involved in launching a church campus. You can pray for the Lord's provision in some of the burdens we've been carrying to be lifted, both tangible and intangible. And lastly, you can pray for our hearts that we would remember to keep the most important things the priority. Thank you for walking this leg of the trek with us, mountains and valleys alike ;)

Somebody's Two Month Old...

2010-10-01T20:58:00.000-07:00

Our sweet little Sawyer is two months old! We went for his check up today and he weighs 11 pounds, 7 oz. He's getting so big and we are loving every minute with him. He got his shots today, so he's been a sad little boy this afternoon:( Coop was such a great big brother and helper as he worried about his baby brother.

Sawyer is really starting to "talk" to us and give us lots of sweet smiles. Cooper had Dads and Donuts this week where Daddy got to come have a special morning with him at preschool.

We have been busy with the start of the new Clovis Campus, and Jerrod has been working so hard to get things ready for the launch. I am so proud of him and the amazing man and leader he is. I am so blessed to be married to him:) It's easy to follow when you're married to such a servant leader.

I look forward to giving a more personal heart update in the days to come, but I just wanted to share a few pictures of my precious boys. Enjoy the two videos at the bottom;) *** Try hitting the "full screen" button to see Cooper dancing a little better:)

I LOVE my baths!

Somebody loves his little bro:)

Sweet happy boy

It's that time again...

2010-09-22T21:25:00.000-07:00

It's officially soccer season for our little soccer dude! What a difference a year makes! Cooper is loving playing soccer again this year and lots of his little friends are playing with him;) We are three weeks in, and I must say, there are a lot less tears this year and so many of the kiddos are really getting the concepts.

Here are a few fun shots from the first game...