Tyler's Birthday Party

I have no idea why it does this weird underlining thing sometimes, so if anyone knows how to fix it, let me know ; )

Anyway, I will try and share a little bit of Tyler's birthday party with you, in spite of this annoyingness (I know that's not a word, but that's okay). We had Tyler's birthday party yesterday with a few close friends. We purposefully kept it small to be able to soak in the day. There are so many more wonderful people that we would have loved to have there, we just needed to not feel so overwhelmed.

We feel like we will do something big where everyone can come and be a part in June on the day Tyler went to be with the Lord, but for his birthday, we had some simple pizza and cake, and of course, lots of balloons.

Our sweet little family

(Now it's not underlining...what in the world??)

All the goody baskets that my sweet friends put together for all the kids....

Now it's underlining again....

How can you have a birthday without an awesome Costco cake??

My sweet boy who loved every minute of celebrating his little brother!

Cooper got to blow out the candles:)

Tyler's spot ; )

A precious bird bath that my sweet friends got for our backyard. Isn't it wonderful? The little boy is holding a turtle in his hands.

Two beautiful rose bushes to go next to the bird bath. Let pray I can keep them alive ; )

Isn't this a wonderful idea? They got a toy that will go in the room at church that Tyler would be in. We can put a sticker on it that will tell how it's given in Tyler's memory. A wonderful idea my friend Jess gave me so each year we can get a toy that would be appropriate to Tyler's age that year and give it to the class he would be in. So special and a great way to honor him!

(Notice that it's Mickey Mouse, which is very fitting since we're headed to Disneyland to celebrate on Tyler's birthday...)

After all the pizza and cake were eaten, we headed outside, each with a balloon in hand to release them in honor of Tyler. My friend Katie gave me the idea to release a different color balloon for how old Tyler is that year. This year we did a bunch of light blue ones and one brown balloon, since he would have been one this year.

It was so fun to be able to celebrate Tyler's birth and to honor him. It's just crazy to think about where our lives have been and what we have gone through this year. Jerrod and I reflected tonight how this exact Sunday night last year, was the night before we had our sweet boy. I went in for an unexpected c-section this time tomorrow. We were able to enjoy our precious gift for 4 1/2 short months, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. In having him four weeks early, I always say that the Lord graciously gave us four extra weeks with him.

So here we are, a year later, still wishing our Tyler was here, but knowing that the celebration in Heaven far exceeds any party we could throw for him. I am so thankful to be able to rest in the truth that he is with the Lord.

Thank you for sharing in this journey with us and for continuing to pray for our hearts!

Love, JEN

So here goes the story.....

Alright, so I have been so excited to not only begin telling people of WHAT God's done, but also, just HOW He did it. Well, you know, we will never know all the mysteries of God, but His story of how we found out and such ; )

As you all probably know or have read, we have dealt with infertility for many years. Getting pregnant has always been a long journey for us and with both the boys we were on Clomid, had done laparoscopies to open up my tubes and take care of endometriosis, and many other details like estrogen supplements, ovidrel to make me ovulate, an IUI (which didn't work), many blood tests and doctor's visits and ultrasounds. We tried to get pregnant with both boys for a long time (Cooper almost 2 years and Tyler around 1 1/2 years). I know there are many people who have dealt with infertility for much longer, so I am grateful that it only took as long as it did.

So....

After Tyler passed away, we knew we wanted more children. We also knew that this had been a lengthy process in the past, so we didn't want to waste any time. We went back to meet with the specialist and started our journey of getting back on Clomid, doing the ultrasounds, and other stuff along with it. By October, we still were not pregnant and we had made the decision to do another laparoscopy before the end of the year since, afterall, we had met our deductible like a million times over....Having a baby and Jerrod's lovely 30 grand ACL replacement and meniscus repair.

We talked with the specialist and he was on board, so we scheduled our surgery for the day before Thanksgiving, November 25th. All went well with it and we were hopeful to get started on more fertility medication. Our insurance allows for us to basically have one month supply of injectible fertility medication. We figured with the surgery and fertility meds that we could have the best optimal chance of conceiving. The medicine arrived the week after my surgery and our hope of starting it would have been the following week. I know the Lord most certainly heard our words and probably snickered to Himself.

A week or two went by and no period. I kept thinking I was late because of the surgery and that it had just thrown me off, so after a few days I asked Jerrod if we should take a test. He of course let me know, "I don't think you're pregnant..." Which I didn't either, but I figured we should just see what was going on. He then said, "But I think it would be JUST LIKE GOD...."

Indeed it was. I came home with a pregnancy test and it was positive. I freaked out, laughed, cried and drove straight to my doctor's office. How could this be possible, because we had to have gotten pregnant before my surgery? BEFORE MY SURGERY! And on no meds FYI.

I went into the office like a tornado and demanded for someone to explain how this happened. They had performed a blood test two days prior to my surgery that was negative. NEGATIVE. So that precious baby had to have implanted on the day of my surgery. AND, with the type of surgery I had, they run dye through your tubes to flush them out. That baby is the very evidence of a miracle if you ask me.

The story gets even crazier....

So I go in that day telling them that I had a positive pregnancy test and they did a urine sample in office and told me it was negative. They also did an ultrasound and said, "See, there's nothing there." So I left the office that day so confused. I was told maybe I was ovulating or that the test was expired. She sent me over for blood work that afternoon, which I almost didn't even go because it was cold and rainy and I didn't really see the point. The next day, the nurse called me and said, "Well, God works in mysterious ways...."

YES He does. Isn't that amazing? The whole story still knocks me off my feet. I love that God took every explanation of how this could have happened out of the equation, and only HE remained. There is no credit that can be given to anyone else but Him. He has displayed His power among the people and over all the earth as far as I'm concerned. He is worthy to be praised!

Love, JEN

P.S. My fertility meds are still sitting in my fridge... ; )

"Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord." I Corinthians 1:31

" Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think,

according to the power at work within us." Ephesians 3:20

Doctor's Appointment Update

For those of you who have not read the below post, go read it first.....

But for those of you who have, we went to Dr. Woods' office today (the perinatologist) for our 1st trimester screening. The baby looked wonderful and was measuring a few days ahead, so we are thankful. All of the markers that she was looking for with Downs, Trisomy 18, and a few others all looked good, so we are praising the Lord for this piece of good news so far.

The baby's heartbeat was strong at 165. We saw a precious little profile, two legs, two arms, ears and a nose. Our sonographer was amazing! She could tell what everything was! She looked at the heart, the stomach, the bladder, the cord, and did lots of measurements. I am 11 weeks and 5 days today and measured 12 weeks and 4 days according to today's ultrasound, so we are grateful that Baby is growing well.

The lady tried to find the gender for us, but Baby was not super cooperative, but she was leaning towards girl. She sweetly told us we could come back in a couple of weeks for another peek. I think I might just take her up on that, especially since it would be fun to see our Baby again and leave for Disneyland with a clear picture of who's growing in there:)

A couple of things.....we were diagnosed with a subchoronic hemorrhage around 8 weeks. It is small and I have not had any bleeding, but it is still present. Will you pray that it would heal and go away and have no further issues with this?

Second, she mentioned that my placenta is low. She did not say it was placenta previa, but that as the baby grows, it could turn into that. I know...one more thing to worry about, right?? But just like God always does, He keeps us close to Him and on our knees depending on HIM for our every need. Will you pray about that as well? I am going to try and take a picture of one of our scans from today, so forgive me if it's fuzzy:)

Love, Jen

Sweet baby profile

A little leg and foot

Baby waving "Hi!"

Taste and See that the Lord is Good

What a whirlwind month! I feel like we got home from Christmas and our feet hit the ground running. Jerrod's been out of town a few times with seminary and church events, so we are hoping for a slower February.

Our sweet Tyler's birthday is coming up on February 9th. Can you even begin to imagine celebrating your first birthday with Jesus? Such an amazing picture, however, selfishly I sure wish he were here to take a bite of his cake, play with his balloons, and open some fun presents. I find it hard to believe many days that his first birthday has already arrived. I dreaded so many firsts when he went to be with the Lord in June, and now here we are at his birthday.

In trying to figure out how to celebrate, we figured a wonderful trip to Disneyland would be just the right place. We are thrilled to take Cooper to his first Disneyland adventure and CAN NOT WAIT to see the look on his face. After all, how can you even describe a place like Disneyland in words? I will be sure to post lots of pictures!

We are planning to have a little simple birthday party with close friends, and then actually be in Disneyland on his birthday. I bought a few buttons with Tyler's picture on them that read "Happy 1st Birthday Tyler." We figured it will be a great way to remember him on his birthday as we trample through Toon Town.

To be honest, many days I still find myself in a little denial that Tyler's life here has ended. I find it excruciating to think that I will never hold him in my arms here on this earth ever again. Few mommies know the pain of losing a child and never really getting the chance to say goodbye. My life is forever changed. The things I once never thought about, are the things that I think about all the time. Will I ever be able to have another baby? Will something happen to someone else I love? How will I ever lay another baby in a crib? How will I ever pick up Tyler's diaper bag and use it again? What will we do with all of Tyler's things? I can't bear to get rid of anything, but I can't bear to use it again or dress another child in it either.

I am so thankful the Lord knows my heart. I hate that these are things I think about, but I often find my mind wandering there. The Lord has been more than faithful...MORE THAN FAITHFUL! So why do I doubt? Why do I find myself back in the same place so many times? What foolishness for me to ever dream that I was in control to begin with - that I could have changed things or that I can now hover over all the things I love in my life in hopes that I can protect them from "bad things" happening to them.

What a constant, every day, opening of my hands. Because you know what? The real truth is, I don't deserve any of it. In fact, God's Word tells me that I deserve death. But I am so thankful that God's love in Jesus surpasses that and that He has saved me from death. Because of Him, I have HOPE in having eternity with Jesus, and we have assurance that Tyler is with HIM too. Because of Him, I have HOPE that He will restore the years that the locusts have eaten, I have HOPE that He will make all things new, I have HOPE that He will not abandon me to the grave. What great promises, don't you think?

Because of HIM I have HOPE that He can perform miracles and that He can do immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine......

With an anxious and GRATEFUL heart, I would love to tell you all that we are expecting another baby Rumley due the beginning of August. Can you believe it? When I tell you the story in a later post, you might just have a heart attack ; )

Will you please pray for my anxious heart? I have an appointment tomorrow with the perinatologist at 11:00, so please pray for a healthy baby and a healthy pregnancy. After so much loss, it's hard to not expect more bad news, but I am trying to take my thoughts captive.

All that aside, and the joy that it brings my heart to see the very work of God in action, I wanted to just say to my aching friends that desire so desperately to hold a baby in their arms, I know and understand your pain. After dealing with infertility for almost 7 years now, through two miscarriages and now the loss of our sweet Tyler, I really feel like I can understand your pain. I do not take lightly the amazing blessing that has been graciously bestowed on our family. We do not deserve it, but we are thankful. God has been good, even in our deepest despair.

Thank you for all your prayers. I feel like this miracle is the complete answer to the prayers of God's Holy people...you.

Love, JEN

" On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds, and I will declare your greatness. They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness. " Psalm 145: 5-7

Laughter in the Little Things

I just wanted to share a great picture with all of you from our Christmas in Arkansas. My mom has a wonderful house with a whole area upstairs that we are able to use, and one great thing about it is when we put Cooper down for bed or naps, it's quiet for him. Our precious Cooper had a little bit of a hard time missing out on all the fun on a few occasions, but one of the last nights we were there, he decided to experiment with some of Mommy's lipstick. A great color on him, don't you think?

It was pretty funny and he was actually quite proud. No lipstick on the walls or his bed, just his lips:) Of course, like the great parents we are, we offered for him to either take a picture or get a spanking, so he opted for the first a little reluctantly. Pretty cute if you ask me. How can you not giggle when you look at this picture? Priceless!

So Blessed

We traveled all the way from California to Arkansas on Friday to see our wonderful family and friends that live here. We have been very much looking forward to some time away from the crazy life we have been leading these last few weeks and just resting our weary little feet, hands and heads ;)

Flying is such a great time to reflect. You see the world so differently when you are looking at it from so many thousands of feet up. It's amazing to think about how incredibly small we are. Little people living in our own little worlds. We often forget to gaze upward and see things from a broader perspective as we go about our day to day affairs. We get so ingrained in our own lives, our families, our friends, that we see only a small portion of what I believe the Lord is often whispering for us to see.

It's also amazing to me that the God who formed and fashioned the earth, who breathed life into all living things, who is all knowing and all powerful, desires to know the ins and outs of each of our lives. It's such a simple fact and truth, yet such a profound one.

I'm so glad He knows my anxious heart and desires to see peace in my life. I'm so glad that He sees my often discontent heart and desires to bring about an eternal contentment. I'm so glad He sees my sin and covers it with Himself. I'm so glad He sees my aching heart and rather than overlooking it, He comes in to mend it in the places it's broken. I'm so glad HE IS!

As tomorrow marks six months since Tyler made his new home in Heaven with the Lord, I also reflect on the very hope and wonder and significance of celebrating Christ birth in two days. We often focus on the baby in the manger, but sometimes we have to remind ourselves that that precious baby was the Lord over all creation and the King of Kings. That baby would grow to be a sinless man that would die for you and me. He is so much more than a baby laying in the hay.

I am so blessed in so many ways, but I especially see with much more clarity than years past, the preciousness of Christmas. I am so grateful to a God who did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but He humbled Himself to the position of a slave, becoming like men. He was and is God, but just as He came to live among mankind 2,000 years ago, He longs to dwell in each of our hearts and be invited in to each of our lives today and everyday.

Come Lord Jesus, come! Come dwell among us today and fills the gaps where our hearts ache, come make us whole where we are empty, come provide peace where we are restless.

I am so thankful that because of Jesus and His work on the cross, none of our stories end in death. I am so glad that Tyler's story does not end in death, but in life. What a hope it is we have! So this year, I celebrate not only Jesus' birth, but the life we all can freely partake in because of Him. May we all feel richly blessed because of this truth!

Clinging to Hope

Today I cling to HOPE. Hopeful that I will see Jesus face to face. Hopeful that our lives on earth are so brief, but that we have eternity with the Lord. Hopeful that my reunion with Tyler will be sweet. Hopeful that Cooper will grow in understanding of God's character and grow to be a man like his Daddy that loves the Lord with all his heart, soul, strength and mind. Hopeful that God will grant us more children. Hopeful that He will bless with abundance and blow our socks off. Hopeful that He will be faithful to reveal Himself to me. Hopeful that God knows each hurt and cares deeply about each thought and worry I have. Hopeful that He is not done with me yet. Will you be hopeful with me....with you be hopeful FOR me??

Lord Jesus, help me to cling to HOPE tonight.....help me to cling to YOU.....