Pumpkin Patch, Silly Day & Pumpkin Carving

Cooper enjoyed Silly Day at pre-school and got to wear his Dash costume from The Incredibles. He was precious and I can't wait to share more pics from Halloween tonight. Jerrod and I also took him to the pumpkin patch to pick out our pumpkins and go on some of the fun little rides. I just love my little guy. He loves life and soaks up every moment. The excitement he experiences in the littlest things is so refreshing. You also have to love the fact that we all had on short sleeved shirts. What in the world?? Where is fall? Tonight we have Halloween and trick-or-treating, one of many first events since losing Tyler. Tomorrow we celebrate Jerrod's birthday and the life the Lord breathed into him and knit together. I am grateful for the lives of all my boys- such sweet blessings. Enjoy a few pics....;)

Pumpkin Patch

Silly Day

Pumpkin Carving

Grace

I feel like the Lord's been doing a huge work in me and teaching me more about Grace than ever before. What an interesting concept....GRACE. To receive something that you don't deserve. Yes, I feel like I have always known that I have "been saved my grace," and that "God's grace is sufficient for me," but it has become a very real truth in my life.

Last week, I flew home to Little Rock to surprise my mom and dad and attend my cousin's wedding. As I flew out of Fresno, it was just amazing at how the Lord revealed Himself to me. I watched as we flew higher and higher and just the pure majesty of all that God has created. The mountains, the water, the way that I could follow the rivers and streams through the nooks of the mountains. The landscape and the trees, the snow already glazing the tops of the mountains. I listened to worship music and specifically the song, "Glory to God." I was just reflecting on how all the majesty of nature reflects the very person of God and how it's very design is to bring Glory to Him. Even more so, I have been made in His image, designed and made, to bring Him all the glory He is due.

I had a rough week and had some hard conversations before I left. If you know me at all, you know that confrontation is not exactly on the top of my list of fun things to do. As I sat and reflected on the week's events, I realized more and more how desperately I need Grace. Not just a little, but A LOT. I have always recognized and acknowledged that I am a very imperfect person, but I saw my need for a Savior in a whole new way. How amazing is it that He loves us despite our sin? He knew in His Sovereignty that we could never do this thing alone, that we would fall on our face, make bad choices, say things that are hurtful, not have discernment on a bad day, and just do plain stupid, idiotic things. Yet, His love for us was so great, that He died in our place so that our sin would no longer separate us from Him.

What a gracious God we serve! I am grateful for Grace, I am grateful for unconditional love and I am grateful for second chances. I am grateful for a God who sees the best in me and cheers me on towards holiness with gentle nudges and occasional reminders. I am so glad He's not done with me yet;)

In addition to the things God has been showing me, I want to address and acknowledge that today is Infant Loss Awareness Day. I am remembering my sweet baby Tyler today and praying for so many sweet Mommies out there who have empty, aching arms. I miss you sweet baby boy and long for the day when I see you again. Rest gently in the arms of a gracious Savior, who because of Him, you have life abundantly. I love you, Mommy

Fertility Update

After one of my first posts about where we are in the process of having more children, it dawned on me that many of you are probably wondering what's going on. To spare you the boring details, it has been a very long month and a half. The medicine did not work very well this month, so when I went in for a follicle check, there were only two and two small follicles at that. The nurse gave me a couple more days to let them grow, so when I went back in, only one had grown a little bit. Needless to say, I was not all that hopeful this month, but knew good and well that God could do whatever He wanted.

I have been on Clomid probably 12 different times and it has never messed with my cycles. I have always been very regular, but for some reason this month has been extra long. I finally started, so we are hoping to start our second month of treatment this time around. Our initial plan was to do two months of Clomid, possibly try injectibles in November and then if we were not pregnant by that time, we would like to do another laparoscopy for my endometriosis. This seems to be the best steward of our finances since we have obviously met our deductible this year due to having Tyler in February.

Infertility is such an exhausting journey. It is emotionally draining with all the waiting and hormones, it is spiritually draining knowing that the Lord is in complete control and desiring His perfect will, and financially draining since insurance doesn't cover hardly anything. We are just pooped! We know that having another baby, being pregnant, doing treatments....none of it makes our situation go away. We still miss Tyler terribly and frankly just want HIM back in our lives, but we know that this is impossible on this earth. We desperately desire more children, and selfishly I've kind of been praying for twins. I know it sounds silly and I know that the Lord knows exactly what we can handle, but it sure would be a huge blessing!

Please pray for our hearts, that we would be content with exactly where we are today. Pray that the Lord would be in the details of all our infertility junk and that He would make it obvious each step of the way. Pray that the Lord would bless us with one or more bundles of joy in His perfect timing. Pray that God would provide the means to continue with treatments if necessary and if not, that He would help us to steward our money wisely. We know and are confident that He is right here in our midst and He desires for us to be HOLY way more than He desires for us to be HAPPY. We are certainly becoming more and more sanctified through this process, so for that we are grateful. We are very blessed;)

Thank you for praying and taking this journey with us,

Jen