Thursday, April 8, 2010

Closet Stuffing

How often it is that I find myself closet stuffing. What I mean by that is, I love having a clean, orderly house and I am a firm believer that "there is a place for everything and everything has it's place." Can you relate at all? Unfortunately, with time often being of the essence, I usually find myself stuffing things into the hall closet, the guest room closet, drawers, shelves, etc. Most everything in my house has a "place," but then there are those occasional items that just don't quite have a home yet.

These are the things that drive me crazy and I just want to have a giant garage sale and get rid of it all for simplicity's sake, but then there's the side of me that wants a labeled tub or shelf for every thing I own. It's kind of a tall order, but it's definitely a goal for me.

Here recently the boys' closets have been a source of stress for me. For starters, Cooper's closet is a complete black hole and once you put something in it, you never quite see it again. He's growing so fast and there are so many clothes and shoes that he has out grown, but I just haven't had the time to organize it all and pull it out and put it in the correct, labeled tub...3T :)

Then there's Tyler's closet. I get so overwhelmed at the thought of it. When Tyler passed away, we boxed everything up and took it to storage. Since then, it's back home in our garage, but there are still so many things in his closet that need to be gone through and organized. We are going to be switching Cooper to Tyler's room and then Sawyer will move into Cooper's current room. I know it's a little confusing, but I just couldn't bear the thought of putting another crib in the same place as Tyler's.

Many times over these last months I find myself putting things in Tyler's closet. All of his programs from his Memorial service, his diaper bag, his pictures, all the keep sakes like his hospital bracelet, gifts that people have given to us for him, his Bible from his dedication, his hand and foot molds, his hand prints, the art work that hung in his room. I have also found it to be a place I've kept all of Cooper's preschool art and things that he brings home from church.

As I reached in just a couple of days ago, to either get something or "put something away," I found myself realizing that my closet stuffing goes so far beyond just physically putting things in the closet. I found myself thinking about how I open that door and see all of Tyler's things and I keep putting more things in there with the mentality of "I'll deal with it later." I feel like I do that with my emotions a lot of times too. It's the putting it aside to deal with it later that I am so fearful of. I know the Lord desires for me to be honest and real and bring exactly how I'm feeling to Him, but sometimes I think I just avoid the pain.

As I mentioned in my last post, the closer Sawyer's arrival gets, the farther away Tyler feels. I would never want my closet stuffing or feeling stuffing to be a detriment to my relationships, especially with the Lord or Jerrod or my boys. As I have started to process this over the last couple of days, I have searched and pondered what else in my life is undealt with or unresolved. It's a tough question. Do you have unresolved issues? It kind of makes you think....

5 comments:

  1. So I found your blog, and you are very inspiring. It's amazing how real and honest you are here, and it really makes me think. It really moves me. Thank you for your honesty.
    I'm praying for you guys.

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  3. When I started reading about your closet stuffing (which I can totally relate to) I thought "I bet this is an analogy" and it was! You are so insightful, I love the way you relate every day life to your walk with the Lord. Thanks for sharing with us how you are acknowledging the pain&fear, voicing it and dealing with it. I see you as a women of wisdom, strength and courage.
    Leslie Rice

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  4. That is a great analogy.

    I do the same thing and found myself really relating with this post.

    You sure are a cute pregnant girl!

    Praying.

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