Wednesday, June 9, 2010

A little update....

I'm so sorry it's been a few weeks since my last post. We got busy all of a sudden with swim lessons, end of the year preschool, Kids Connection (for me), and a visit from Jerrod's Mom.

I just wanted to give a quick update on where we are and what's going on since a few things have changed in the last 2-3 weeks. I will post pictures of my belly, Coop's swim lessons and his last day of preschool (tomorrow), very soon. Thanks for your patience:)

When I went to labor and delivery about 4 weeks ago, it was quite a scare. My contractions were 2 to 3 minutes apart and still happening even with my medication. Because of all that, the doctor put me on bed rest. After two weeks of not really getting up to do much of anything, I went back to the doctor who took another look at everything and did another "FFN" test, which is when they swab to check and see if you are at risk for delivery in the following two weeks. All of the FFN tests that I have had have been negative. It has been described that "the power is in the negative." This means that if your FFN is negative, you have a 99% chance of NOT delivering for two weeks. I have had these repeated every two weeks and they have all come back negative every time. Praise the Lord!

Because of this, the doctor has allowed me to be on a more modified bed rest which means I can do most normal things, but try to stay off my feet if possible and lay down and take my meds if needed. I can definitely tell when it's time to come home and lay down! The contractions intensify and become very consistent, so I just don't want them to start changing my cervix.

My anxiety level has been pretty high throughout this pregnancy for obvious reasons, but in the last two weeks it has become almost unbearable. I'm having lots of fears of something being wrong or going wrong, and I hate living there. What I know in my head does not always transfer to my heart, and vise versa. It's crippling at times. I have no control over so many things and I feel like those are the things that are easier for me to let go of and allow the Lord to fill in the gaps. It's the things that I feel like I play a role in that are so hard. Do I go to the doctor or not? Am I overreacting or am I being discerning? Is the baby moving too much or too little? What about the cord wrapping around him? What about this or that or the other???
I have been praying a lot for discernment. That the Lord would make it evident when I need to act and that He would make it evident when I need to just be still and trust Him. I went into labor and delivery again early Sunday morning because I couldn't sleep and I felt like Sawyer was shivering or something. It freaked me out and after several hours, I finally gave in and went in the get monitored. Everything seems okay, at least that's what they told me, but it's so hard to just TRUST. I have always had issues with trusting people and ultimately the Lord, so I am learning a lot that I have to allow people to speak wisdom into my life, even medically speaking.

All this to say, I would appreciate prayers for my heart and for Sawyer's health. I go in for another ultrasound on Friday, so please pray that he is growing right on track, and as silly and specific as it sounds, that his cord would be healthy and not wrapping around him. Okay...that's a little update on the pregnancy, so I will fill you all in with more details later.

8 comments:

  1. It's so hard to just "trust" when you have been through so much, but a comment in my Sunday School class sometime ago helps me in times like these and maybe it could help you..."Fear is a gift from the devil"...that you don't want or need. Try to just enjoy this pregnancy until you cannot and hopefully/God willing that will not happen. You are far enough along that your baby should be viable even if it were to be born now. And while you don't want that to happen, it could be OK. (I had twins at 33 weeks) Try thinking that "good feelings make a happy baby"...and that,s what you want!
    Looking forward to new pics and yes, praying for good ultrasound outcomes!!

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  2. Thanks for the update. I love you, Jen, and I will keep praying you and Baby Sawyer.

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  3. Jen~ It's been a bit since I stopped in to check up on you. Glad to see your new post!

    Your fear are totally normal. I admire your heart that wants to be in the right place with God. Keep seeking that and keep wanting Him so much, and you will get to that place where trust comes a bit easier. I know intimately where you are right now!

    I do pray for your when God lays you on my heart.

    I wanted to share this verse with you, because it is very dear to me and it describes just perfectly how we felt at the birth of our Sofia, our baby that was born 4 years ago after we lost our Jane....."Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life". So will Sawyer's birth be for you!

    Hang on, hang in there, keep hoping!

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  4. Jen ~ So good to hear from you! Love you and thinking of you so much. Praying praying.

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  5. THANK YOU for updating, I visit you from Katie's page, and it had been such a long while, that I was really worried, and I was checking your page several times a day!! Many prayers and much love being sent!

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  6. We're praying for you and your beautiful family. You are such a beautiful woman and your babies are so lucky to have you as their mommy!

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  7. Yea! That's such good news!

    I will be in prayer for you about the fear. I can only imagine what you are feeling. Even though I struggle with fears of my own, I just want to remind you to speak truth aloud...speak that fear is not from the Lord...speak that the Lord is good...combat those doubts and fears with scriptural truth. It's the biggest weapon we have against the enemy's lies. I love you so much Jen!

    Ash

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  8. Michelle JohnsonJune 11, 2010 at 1:22 PM

    Jen, so sorry to hear about all you've been dealing with. Just know that many are praying for you and I'm here if you need me. You're almost there, you're gonna make it! Are you allowed to get out at all now? Would love to hang out. Hang in there!

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