Closet Stuffing

How often it is that I find myself closet stuffing. What I mean by that is, I love having a clean, orderly house and I am a firm believer that "there is a place for everything and everything has it's place." Can you relate at all? Unfortunately, with time often being of the essence, I usually find myself stuffing things into the hall closet, the guest room closet, drawers, shelves, etc. Most everything in my house has a "place," but then there are those occasional items that just don't quite have a home yet.

These are the things that drive me crazy and I just want to have a giant garage sale and get rid of it all for simplicity's sake, but then there's the side of me that wants a labeled tub or shelf for every thing I own. It's kind of a tall order, but it's definitely a goal for me.

Here recently the boys' closets have been a source of stress for me. For starters, Cooper's closet is a complete black hole and once you put something in it, you never quite see it again. He's growing so fast and there are so many clothes and shoes that he has out grown, but I just haven't had the time to organize it all and pull it out and put it in the correct, labeled tub...3T :)

Then there's Tyler's closet. I get so overwhelmed at the thought of it. When Tyler passed away, we boxed everything up and took it to storage. Since then, it's back home in our garage, but there are still so many things in his closet that need to be gone through and organized. We are going to be switching Cooper to Tyler's room and then Sawyer will move into Cooper's current room. I know it's a little confusing, but I just couldn't bear the thought of putting another crib in the same place as Tyler's.

Many times over these last months I find myself putting things in Tyler's closet. All of his programs from his Memorial service, his diaper bag, his pictures, all the keep sakes like his hospital bracelet, gifts that people have given to us for him, his Bible from his dedication, his hand and foot molds, his hand prints, the art work that hung in his room. I have also found it to be a place I've kept all of Cooper's preschool art and things that he brings home from church.

As I reached in just a couple of days ago, to either get something or "put something away," I found myself realizing that my closet stuffing goes so far beyond just physically putting things in the closet. I found myself thinking about how I open that door and see all of Tyler's things and I keep putting more things in there with the mentality of "I'll deal with it later." I feel like I do that with my emotions a lot of times too. It's the putting it aside to deal with it later that I am so fearful of. I know the Lord desires for me to be honest and real and bring exactly how I'm feeling to Him, but sometimes I think I just avoid the pain.

As I mentioned in my last post, the closer Sawyer's arrival gets, the farther away Tyler feels. I would never want my closet stuffing or feeling stuffing to be a detriment to my relationships, especially with the Lord or Jerrod or my boys. As I have started to process this over the last couple of days, I have searched and pondered what else in my life is undealt with or unresolved. It's a tough question. Do you have unresolved issues? It kind of makes you think....

What a Month!

What a month it's been! I'm sorry that blogging has been placed on the back burner, but I promise I will catch up. So much has happened, so it may take me a few posts to get all the pictures uploaded, so please be patient with me.

March has been so incredibly full. Full in more ways than one. In the middle of the month, Jerrod and I both traveled separately - me to a bachelorette weekend for my sweet friend Steph that got married on the 26th and Jerrod up to the mountains for his last retreat with the Community team. Jerrod has undergone several transitions since being on staff at the Well, so currently he is the North Campus Pastor along with being one of the teaching pastors, but he will soon transition to the Clovis Campus Pastor when we launch that campus. I love that the Lord keeps us on our toes and always keeps things fresh and exciting;)

We celebrated Cooper's 4th birthday with a Bowling Bash at the bowling alley and he had so much fun. He was definitely quick to tell me that he did NOT need the ramp! He was pretty funny trying to get that ball all the way down to the pins. My mom and stepdad (Nana and Boboo) came to visit us over Cooper's birthday which was a real treat!

Cooper got a lot of fun things for his birthday, but some of his favorites are his new dress up clothes (a knight, and an army man). He is so cute pretending and playing. Another favorite is his new "batting machine." It pitches the ball up in the air and he's pretty darn good at it! He's going to be our little athlete I think, so we'll have to see which sport he gravitates to. Right now he loves baseball, golf, soccer, basketball, well pretty much all of them:) He goes out to the driving range with Daddy and they hit balls together. He's got his own little set of clubs and is such a big boy. He's got a pretty nice swing too! He's a lot better than Mommy! Mommy just whiffs it!!!

While my mom was here, we got to shop, go to the mountains and see the Giant Sequoias which was alot of fun, and travel to the coast. Those are some BIG trees! It's pretty unbelievable to see how the Lord designed such an amazing living thing and to hear all about their history. The pictures hardly do it justice! I think on average it takes 40 people linking arms to wrap their arms around the trunk. Pretty cool if you ask me!

After church on Sunday while they were here, we headed to the coast to an amazing home that is so generously allowed by our sweet friends. Boboo has never been to the coast and seen the Pacific ocean, so it was a lot of fun. We went to the Monterey Bay aquarium, drove to Big Sur one day for lunch and took lots of pictures with Coop running in the sand and trying not to let the cold water hit his little feet. The Pacific is cold, and although there are plenty of crazy people who get in, we often bundle up when we go;) We got to do 17 mile drive and see the Sea Lions basking, and then we got to see Pebble Beach which is just beautiful. Jerrod has a dream that one day he might get to play the course:) It's only $500, and that includes a caddy, so hey, a man can dream can't he??

Once we arrived home, we had Jake and Steph's wedding rehearsal and wedding, which was such an honor to get to be a part of. All three of us were in the wedding, so it was definitely a full family affair. Cooper looked precious in his tux, so I can't wait to post a pic of him. He affectionately calls it his "spy suit," so he most definitely ate up every minute!

Back on March 10th, we had our second ultrasound with the perinatologist and all things seem to be going great with the pregnancy. She confirmed that we are indeed having another little BOY, so we are blessed and anxious and grateful and scared all at the same time. We are trying to trust the Lord that He knows exactly what we need, which is so much easier said than done.

I have been having some heart issues that I have seen a cardiologist for this week, but it seems that it is all pregnancy related and hopefully no reason for concern. I think with everything this week and being already April, my emotions have been very high. My sweet friend Jessica just had her 4th baby, baby Brody Kade Visser, this week on Tuesday, so many emotions are surfacing for me, and I know for her. We are both now asked to care for another little baby boy after losing one and giving both Kade and Tyler back to the Lord.

I feel a little bit like time is just going by so fast and I can't hardly slow it down. We have been so busy with ministry and traveling and so many other fun things, but I can't hardly catch my breath. I feel like I've been holding back tears and stuffing so much of how I'm feeling when all I really want is just to hold Tyler again. Emotions of missing him this week have almost been too much to bear and I feel like so much of what I feel I have been stuffing and it is slowly leaking out. On a bad day I feel a little bit like I should be past a certain point, or maybe it's no longer appropriate for me to cry and have hard days. I know it's a complete lie, but unfortunately it's one I can tend to allow myself to believe.

I can't even imagine that this 3rd precious life will God willing be joining our family in four short months. I almost don't even know if I believe that day will ever come. And if it does, how long will the Lord give me with him? We have chosen a name for our precious little miracle that we would love to share....

Sawyer Jace Rumley

We like the name Sawyer and Jace means "healer, the Lord is my salvation...." We felt this was incredibly special since we hope and pray that this baby will be another step in the healing of our hearts. I can not wait to meet him, but I almost feel like I'm so fearful for life to move on. I'm so scared of Tyler not being apart of our family as it grows. I feel like the closer we get to Sawyer arriving, the farther away Tyler feels. Missing him has really set in for me. Cooper continues to talk about wanting Tyler to come back home and he seems genuinely excited for Sawyer to arrive. It's so hard to believe that Tyler is going to be a big brother and that Sawyer is never going to meet him here on earth.

I am falling more and more in love with my sweet Cooper each day and he is growing into such a sweet little boy. He is so bright and full of life. Many days I dream about what life could have been like with my two boys playing and being brothers and I often miss it. The Lord has been more than gracious to show us His faithfulness and goodness, so I am just trying to keep my eyes focused on Him. It's a daily surrender, so today Lord, here's my life....

Disneyland...ALL the Way

Go BIG or Go HOME.....that has become my motto a little bit in this season. We wanted to celebrate Tyler's birthday just right and make sure that we didn't neglect the day. What better place to celebrate than the "happiest place on earth??"

Sorry for the delay....it's taken me a month to get more Disneyland pictures up, but we had an absolute blast! Day one was quite wet, but we rocked the poncho and umbrella. It definitely didn't hurt that our hotel was close by with a dryer and change of clothes:)

Day one was Disneyland and Day two was California Adventure......Enjoy ; )

Cooper with his precious buttons. One for his first visit to Disneyland and the other the button I had made for us all to wear that read "Happy 1st Birthday Tyler..."

Does it get any better than this??

Yes, we had breakfast in bed ; )

Cooper and Jerrod on the Tea Cups. I'm pretty sure I might have thrown up if I had gotten on them!

Sword and the Stone

Carousel...always a favorite of Cooper's!

Buzz light year shooter. We went on this I think we counted 6 times!

A plus to the rain was walking through Mickey's house within 5 minutes and getting pictures with Mickey, Minnie and Goofy. I think people ordinarily wait in line at least an hour.

Look at how wet Jerrod's jeans are. All our pants were wet up to our knees!

So worth it though ; )

Waiting in line for the Toy Story Ride at California Adventure. If you've played the Wii game, the ride is super similar and a lot of fun! Notice the wheel chair? My sweet husband pushed me around for two days so I didn't over do it.

One Plus: Getting to the front of almost every line! Awesome! Why doesn't everybody do that?

The Toy Story ride is 3 D...notice the glasses.

The Bug's Life Show

So much fun with these 3 D glasses. They actually squirt you with "bug juice" and things pop out of your chair like the bug's are "getting you."

Cooper's meeting with Cinderella....

It all went well until she kissed him on the cheek ; ) He couldn't wipe it off fast enough!

They are building "Radiator Springs" at California Adventure, so we can't wait to go back when it's done.

Gotta love my goof ball husband! He makes everything way more fun!

Toon Town at Disneyland

On the Monorail leaving on the last day. We got to sit on the end car and see all around. It was really fun. I'm holding Cooper's Star Wars gun that was his souvenir from the trip.

P.S. Cooper totally rode Space Mountain with Jerrod! When he tells people about it, his tag line is usually, "And I wasn't even scared!" So cute!

Thank you to everyone who made the awesome trip possible. We are so grateful! Hope you enjoyed taking a little tour of our trip....

JEN