From the Inside Out

Yesterday, Cooper and I played outside in the afternoon and he rode his motorcycle with some of our sweet neighbors. I sat and talked with the two other moms, who are both believers, which has been so neat to watch even just our little section of our street and how many people love God. They have been an amazing support and so encouraging and thoughtful. I noticed that they were beginning to bandage one of the baby's hands who touched the hot fire place on the hearth a few days ago. It brought me back to last summer when Cooper touched a very hot halogen bulb while we were on a photo shoot down town. It burned the majority of his palm, quickly blistered up, even over the joints in his first two fingers, and required a few trips to the burn unit at the community hospital. Quite traumatic I might add;)

As I sat and talked with these moms, mostly reassuring them of our experience and how well Cooper's hand healed, I remembered all that we went through. It was quite a process from start to finish of puncturing the blister, washing it out several times a day, putting an antibacterial wrap on it, stretching the hand to keep the skin from growing back too tight, all with a busy and not so agreeable 2 year old.

Watching them bandage his hand, probably for the second or third time that day, it brought me right back and to a place of seeing God in my life. I think about the trauma our family has endured over these last few months. I think about how we have been burned, scared, wounded, left gaping. I think about the cleansing that has happened as we have been rubbed raw, only to see the strength, power and glory of our Lord Jesus as he has covered us with gentle dressings and brought comfort like only He can. He is continuing to stretch us in ways that are so uncomfortable to make sure we grow back just the way we were designed to, healthy and even stronger, free from handicaps.

There will always be memories of the trauma of the day Tyler died, just like there will always be memories of the day Cooper burned his hand. Our lives are full of memories, some good, some hard, some enjoyable, some unbearable. Our lives are defined by the moments we see God's very hand at work. Our faith is deepened by the trials we face and the hardships we endure. Our love for Jesus grows the more we see our need for a redeemer, the very One who took the weight of our sins on His shoulders so that we could not only have life, but life abundantly. How precious is our God? How unworthy I am to be called His, yet He loves me without falter. I desperately want all of who He is and my ability to do any of this on my own is impossible.

He is cleansing me and making me whole from the inside out. Just like Cooper's hand had to begin healing from the deepest wounds to the outermost layer of his hand, so is God doing the very same thing to my heart. The healing hurts, the wounds are still very fresh, but He has not left me or abandoned me. He is okay with my squirms and pulling away from the hurt. He is not surprised by the time it is taking. He fully sees the angst on my face and tears that insue. He is okay with me. Just as I am. From the inside out.