Ultrasound Today

We had our ultrasound today and I put it in the back of my mind till we started driving there. I really had hoped and prayed for a great technician. One that would be sensitive, sweet and understanding of where we've been. One that would reassure us as much as she could and not leave us hanging with no information through the weekend. I could not have been more pleased or felt more of a presence of God's faithfulness than today.

It was a little distracting for J with Coop whining and having a hard time sitting still since he's had a cold, but other than that it was truly miraculous. We have never had an ultrasound this late in our pregnancies, so it was pretty remarkable to see Sawyer's sweet little face and other features. It was only a 2D ultrasound, but boy could you see a lot!

When we first got in there, I asked the tech about the cord...she was a little reluctant because she said often times the cord is actually wrapped. Not that it is causing any problems, but that's just where it is. She said she would look, but then I finished what she was thinking and said, "But it will probably stress me out more, huh??"

She kind of laughed and told me she'd look at it. Everything looked absolutely perfect with our sweet boy. He's measuring 4 days ahead, so I am just so relieved to know that even though I'm not gaining, he is! His weight is estimated at 4 pds. 3 oz., so I was actually a little shocked! She said she could see some fat on his arms and some pudginess on his legs :) She even pointed out the little hair floating around! So fun! I've never gotten to see that before. His sweet little feet, which by the way, I think look just like Tyler's, already measure 6 1/2 cm. That's pretty big when you look at it on a ruler! Crazy!

Then she got to the cord....she said, "Nope, there's the cord and it's not around his neck." Praise the Lord! I know it's a small thing, but to just see it for myself and know that all my fears have been just that...fears! It was another "ah ha moment" in our journey. The Lord keeps reminding me all along the way and seemingly whispering, "See, you need to just trust me.....I really do love you and I really do desire GOOD things for your life.....I am FOR you, not against you."

I begin to understand the scripture of God simply saying, "If you will only have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can move mountains." My faith has been so small and actually many times expecting the worst in every situation. I am fully aware that the Lord will continue to allow things in my life, some pleasant and some hard, to sanctify me and to allow me to grow in a way that only those circumstances could. I do recognize that there are likely many hard things ahead, so I know the Lord is not done allowing trials in my life, but I cannot live my life expecting all outcomes of every situation to be tragic.

I see how much my fear and anxiety rob me of the joy of being here and present....in the right now. When I'm worrying about the "could be's" and "might happens," I miss out on the sweetness of the moment and the enjoyment of His blessings. Today I am enjoying my sweet little family and the awe and wonder of another on the way. I am delighting in what God's done even in the face of our tragedy, and praising Him for being almost 32 weeks and carrying a healthy baby boy. Thank you Jesus, because you and I both know, I don't deserve one bit of it at all ;)