Happy 2 Years Tyler James

Happy 2nd Birthday Tyler!

You came into our lives very unexpectedly on February 9, 2009, at only 36 weeks when I had to go in to the hospital with complications. I like to think the Lord was giving us four additional weeks with you;) I was so afraid, having you so early, having a c-section and everything happening so quickly, but you were healthy and happy from the get go, and weighed an impressive 5 pounds, 11 oz. Praise the Lord!

Your big brother loved you from the moment he saw you, except for the occasional pinches and scratches he was faithful to administer;)

Your chunky little legs allowed you to inherit the song "Chunky" from the movie Madagascar. We had many a family dance parties to that song:)

( Please excuse the fit that Cooper throws at the end, and the video makes it look like Jerrod is shaking Tyler's booty more than he really is;)

(Never a dull moment! Poor Tyler is like "get me away from these two:)

You loved sleeping on Daddy's chest. It was one of your favorite things to do:)

You had big brown eyes, just like your Mama. You were a little stingy with your smiles for a while, but Daddy could get you to laugh by tickling your belly!

(Video taken just the day before Tyler passed away)

Just as unexpectedly as you came into our arms, we lost you before we had a chance to say goodbye. June 24th is a day that will be forever engrained in my mind as the day you saw Jesus face to face. I put you down for an afternoon nap and you never woke up. When the Lord predetermined the number of days you had on this earth, He took you home in the most peaceful way possible.

(Swimming just two days before Tyler passed away)

We love you so very much and miss you like crazy. I am so thankful for the promise of LIFE we have in Christ and the hope we have in Him. It's because of Him that I will hold you again soon and know the fullness of joy that is yours.

***I have been putting off writing this post, in denial that Wednesday has come and gone and the world is still going on with it's business. Thank you for your patience. Wednesday was a very difficult day for us. I'm not sure why, but it was much harder this year than it was last year...go figure. We purposely kept Wednesday low key...Coop went to preschool for the morning, Jerrod stayed home from work and we were able to just sit in the day. We went to lunch with Rick and Judy, our mentors, friends, co-workers, and fellow travelers on their own journey of grief after losing their 5 year old son over 30 years ago. What a sweet time. To just sit with people who get it, who recognize that the day should look so different, yet it feels very empty because someone is missing.

In the afternoon, we went to Tyler's spot and took new flowers. Coop ran around a bit and we got to just sit and take a few pictures. Then we ended our evening with a small birthday party at the park with our Life Group, eating pizza and cupcakes. I could tell the emotions were running high for both Jerrod and I, both of us individually holding everything in, trying not to burst at a moments notice.

I felt very overwhelmed when it came to thinking through details of celebrating Tyler's birthday because nothing seemed like enough. It always feels like I'm missing something, which is something that will probably never go away since Tyler absence can never be replaced. Even as I write this, I think back to all the things I wish I would have done, but didn't because I was too overwhelmed and frankly just kind of shut down. While Cooper and Sawyer's presence bring us such joy, Tyler's absence will never go away.

The mood around our house has been a little more solemn this week. We are so thankful for every call, message, text, card, email, hug and presence of those who love us, checked on us and recognize our grief is still very real. Thank you. The Lord has been so faithful to supply us with amazing support and we are so grateful, because to walk this alone would feel next to impossible.