The Next Chapter in Our Story

Well, from my last post, our story has changed a bit and I'm sure will continue to do so over the next few weeks and months. I called into the doctor's office on Thursday to ask about some contractions I was having and of course, what do they say every time? Go to labor and delivery.

So I put Coop in the car, headed to the hospital, planning to stay for an hour or so for them to tell me I was silly. That actually didn't happen. They put me on the monitor for a while and I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes. I got a Terb shot and that slowed them down for a little while, but by Thursday night, after getting some pills too, they picked back up. When they checked me, I was dialated to a 1, so obviously we needed to get the contractions stopped.

I ended up staying Thursday night at the hospital just to monitor things and got home yesterday evening. So...what does all this mean? Well, for now, it means complete bedrest. I'm on Terb (Terbutaline) every 2-3 hours (so fun to set your alarm to take medicine:), and taking it easy.

As I sat in the hospital for about 24 hours, I kept thinking "Really Lord, what in the world??" But the truth is, He knows. He knows my fears about having this baby early, He knows my fears about losing another baby, He knows my fears about having a nicu baby, He knows my worries about all the little details. I had to think about how funny and ironic it is that He is ALLOWING me to just sit in all this. I can't go anywhere or do anything. I just have to BE.

I think I was "working away" this pregnancy. It had gone so fast and I was busying myself with life trying to not deal with all of my emotions about Tyler and having another baby. Well, no more busy for me for now. It's hard to let go of the control, but I know it is what's best for me emotionally and what's best for Sawyer physically.

I would love to get to August 2nd, my scheduled c-section date, so please pray for that. I know it will be a long several weeks, but I know that is what would be ideal for Sawyer. He's already something I tell you, the nurses could never keep him on the monitor. He was so mad every time they would try and pick up his heartbeat and would just punch and kick at it. It was really funny, but maybe it won't be so funny in a few months;) Maybe this is my calm before the storm and he might be giving me a run for my money! Either way, I can't wait.....

A very different Mother's Day...

It's so hard to believe that Mother's Day is already here on Sunday. Where has the time gone? I have had my fair share of Mother's Days that have been hard, my fair share that have been a great time to celebrate all that God's done, however, this one will feel very different.

When Jerrod and I started trying to have children, we tried for about two years to get pregnant with Cooper. When we got pregnant the first time, we miscarried in March of 2005, so that May's Mother's Day was really hard for me. To already feel like a Mom is so many ways, but to not even be pregnant any more. We got pregnant with Cooper a few months later and he was born the next March.

Mother's Day 2006 was a really fun year. Cooper was about 2 months old and we dedicated him on Mother's Day that year. Such a big moment to finally be holding our precious Cooper after praying for him for so long.

We tried to get pregnant again for about a year and a half and finally got pregnant in February 2008. We lost that baby too. Of course Mother's Day rolled around and we found ourselves so excited to have Cooper, but also longing to grow our family and grieving the loss of that baby.

We got pregnant with Tyler and he was born on February 9, 2009. Was a gift! Just like his big brother, we dedicated him to the Lord that May. Mother's Day 2009. Looking back, what a special day we will always treasure. We were able to dedicate both of our boys on Mother's Day and we could have never forseen that we would lose Tyler just a short month and a half later.

Here were are again. It's Mother's Day 2010. Only a year ago, we stood on a stage with both our boys, seeing the journey the Lord had brought us through, with thanksgiving in our hearts, we gave Tyler to the Lord. We emotionally and spiritually said, "Here Lord, here is our baby, please grow him in the way he should go and help us to raise him to love you." Little did we know that the Lord would actually ask us to completely give Tyler to him. He physically asked us to give Him Tyler.

It's a very different Mother's Day because as I feel Sawyer moving and kicking in my belly, my heart longs to feel Tyler's embrace. My soul longs to be with all my boys, but my story will not allow that until we are all complete and standing before the Lord in Heaven.

I pray for so many women out there who desire children but do not have them yet, who have lost children through miscarriage or death, who are estranged from their children because of choices that have been made. We all have a story, but thankfully the Lord is fully aware of how it is written and how it will end. I'm so glad I don't have to have it all figured out.

"May the LORD give you children from this woman in place of the one she dedicated to the LORD."

I Samuel 2:20

New Blog Update

I just wanted to give the blog a fresh little update;)

I have a dream that one day I will actually have one designed, but for now, this works and is free....

Here's a cute pic from Jake and Steph's wedding that we were all in, baby bump squished into a bridesmaid dress and all:)