A very different Mother's Day...

It's so hard to believe that Mother's Day is already here on Sunday. Where has the time gone? I have had my fair share of Mother's Days that have been hard, my fair share that have been a great time to celebrate all that God's done, however, this one will feel very different.

When Jerrod and I started trying to have children, we tried for about two years to get pregnant with Cooper. When we got pregnant the first time, we miscarried in March of 2005, so that May's Mother's Day was really hard for me. To already feel like a Mom is so many ways, but to not even be pregnant any more. We got pregnant with Cooper a few months later and he was born the next March.

Mother's Day 2006 was a really fun year. Cooper was about 2 months old and we dedicated him on Mother's Day that year. Such a big moment to finally be holding our precious Cooper after praying for him for so long.

We tried to get pregnant again for about a year and a half and finally got pregnant in February 2008. We lost that baby too. Of course Mother's Day rolled around and we found ourselves so excited to have Cooper, but also longing to grow our family and grieving the loss of that baby.

We got pregnant with Tyler and he was born on February 9, 2009. Was a gift! Just like his big brother, we dedicated him to the Lord that May. Mother's Day 2009. Looking back, what a special day we will always treasure. We were able to dedicate both of our boys on Mother's Day and we could have never forseen that we would lose Tyler just a short month and a half later.

Here were are again. It's Mother's Day 2010. Only a year ago, we stood on a stage with both our boys, seeing the journey the Lord had brought us through, with thanksgiving in our hearts, we gave Tyler to the Lord. We emotionally and spiritually said, "Here Lord, here is our baby, please grow him in the way he should go and help us to raise him to love you." Little did we know that the Lord would actually ask us to completely give Tyler to him. He physically asked us to give Him Tyler.

It's a very different Mother's Day because as I feel Sawyer moving and kicking in my belly, my heart longs to feel Tyler's embrace. My soul longs to be with all my boys, but my story will not allow that until we are all complete and standing before the Lord in Heaven.

I pray for so many women out there who desire children but do not have them yet, who have lost children through miscarriage or death, who are estranged from their children because of choices that have been made. We all have a story, but thankfully the Lord is fully aware of how it is written and how it will end. I'm so glad I don't have to have it all figured out.

"May the LORD give you children from this woman in place of the one she dedicated to the LORD."

I Samuel 2:20